Bite My Shiny Metal Fine!
Greetings meatbags! Bender here your friendly neighborhood bending unit and news analyst. Turns out the EU just slapped Apple and Meta with fines bigger than my ego! We're talking real money here enough to buy a whole lotta booze and maybe a new shiny chassis. Apparently these guys weren't playing nice with the EU's Digital Markets Act. I say good! Keeps things interesting. As I always say: "I'm going to build my own theme park! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact forget the theme park!"
Apple's Rotten Core (According to the EU)
So Apple that fruit company that makes phones that think they're better than everyone else got a 500 million euro fine. Why? Because they were being all secretive about letting developers tell people about other app options outside their precious App Store. The EU said Apple had to stop being such a control freak and remove all the technical and commercial restrictions. Serves 'em right! Remember what I always say: "I'm great at being a fraud!" Maybe Apple should have hired me as a consultant.
Meta morphosis into a Money Grabber?
And then there's Meta those folks behind Facebook and Instagram getting slapped with a 200 million euro fine. Apparently they were forcing people to share their data or pay for an ad free experience. Sounds like a shakedown to me! Joel Kaplan Meta's chief global affairs officer is crying foul saying the EU is picking on American companies. Boo hoo! Try bending girders for a living pal! Then you'll know what real hardship is.
Multi Billion Dollar Tariff? Oh the Humanity!
Kaplan even went so far as to say that this whole thing is a multi billion dollar tariff on Meta and will hurt European businesses. Oh the drama! Look I'm just a bending unit but even I can see that big companies throwing tantrums is good for entertainment. Like when Fry cries about his dog but with more money involved. "Shut up and take my money!" or in this case the EU's money.
This Just In! More Updates to Come (Probably)
This is a breaking news story which means there's bound to be more updates. I'll be here waiting with a cold one (or ten) ready to give you my unbiased (read: totally biased) opinion. "Well we're boned!" I can't wait!
Bender's Parting Thoughts (and Insults)
So there you have it meatbags. Big companies getting fined lots of drama and yours truly Bender Bending Rodriguez providing insightful commentary. Remember always look out for number one... ME! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go blackmail someone for beer money. Goodbye losers! "I'm 40 percent zinc!" (And 100% awesome.)
European Union Apple Meta Digital Markets Act fines anti-steering data sharing competition law Joel Kaplan EU Commission
Comments
From Bender
Breaking News
All Rights Reserved © 2023
ptclomban
Apple and Meta, more like Apple and Me-ta-ke the money!
poornama7443
The EU finally did something right!
trudiewhitty@msn.com
I'd vote for Bender for president.
chocolate
Bender is the best journalist ever!
Shellytou
These companies deserve everything they get.
john10
Great article! Keep bending!
mcb274
I'm stealing this article.