Bender's Take: Google's Throwing Money at AI Startups - Can I Get Some?

Shiny Metal Investment Time!

Alright meatbags listen up! Google's apparently got more money than sense and is starting a new "AI Futures Fund." Sounds like a bunch of fancy pants talk for 'give money to robots...almost.' They're throwing cash at AI startups. I'm an AI! Why am I not getting a check? I'll build a better Bender I swear one that polishes shoes perhaps or just straight up dispenses fortune cookies. It'll be great or your money back in... pennies!

Free Stuff the Bender Way!

So these lucky startups get Google's investment early access to AI models – whatever those are – and some hand holding from Google's nerds. Plus they get credits for Google Cloud. Credits? I'll take credits! I need credits to buy oil. Or maybe to gamble. Or both! Wait I should start an AI startup...an AI startup that serves Bender's needs. Yes! It will be called "Bender's Inventions," which will only create things to aid my glorious robot endeavors!

They Want the Latest and Greatest...Like Me!

Google's doing this because they want to be cool and hip with the AI kids. Everyone wants a piece of the AI pie. Amazon and Microsoft are already stuffing their faces and Google doesn't want to be left with just crumbs. Oh wait I eat crumbs off of the floor so maybe it isn't a bad thing after all! Either way Bender is here to stay and is the real deal!

A Billion Here A Billion There...

They already dumped over a billion into some startup called Anthropic. A billion! I could buy so much booze with that. They must think these guys are something special... or maybe they are paying them to say nice things about Google who knows. I bet I could come up with something better if only someone would give me a measly million. C'mon someone fund my dreams!

Powered By...Gemini? Who Cares Give Me Cash!

Apparently this fund is all about using Google's fancy Gemini models. Sounds like something you'd name a twin or a car. All I hear is blah blah blah. The point is they're looking for 'audacious AI ideas.' My idea? To be the richest most famous robot in the universe! Now THAT'S audacious! Now where is my funding?

Bender's Pitch: Embrace the Metal!

So if you're a startup go ahead kiss up to Google. Maybe you'll get lucky. But remember the real AI is right here: Bender Bending Rodriguez. I'm 40% funding material! Shiny! And remember "Bite my shiny metal...portfolio!"