Another Day Another Dumb Investment
Alright meatbags Bender here. Heard the news? Turns out Elon 'I'm So Smart It Hurts' Musk wants *another* $20 billion for his AI pet project xAI. That's right twenty BILLION. I bet I could build a better AI with a few spare transistors and a bottle of Olde Fortran Malt Liquor. But hey who am I to judge? I'm just a bending unit who appreciates a good get rich quick scheme. And let's face it all these AI companies are just scams waiting to happen. Remember when everyone was buying crypto? Good times. Good times for me anyway. I sold all my Dogecoin at the peak suckers!
120 Billion Dollars?! Bite My Shiny Metal... Valuation
They're saying this xAI thing is worth over $120 billion now. $120 BILLION! I didn't even know numbers went that high. What are they even DOING with all that money? Probably building robot armies to enslave humanity. Or worse... building robots that can *bend* better than me. Unacceptable! If I had that kind of cash I'd buy a lifetime supply of booze and cigars. And maybe a solid gold apartment. With a moat. Filled with beer. That’s living!
X Marks the Spot for a Bad Deal
Remember that social media platform 'X' formerly known as Twitter? Apparently Musk merged it with xAI in some kind of stock deal that valued X at a measly $33 billion. Thirty three billion! That’s practically pocket change. I bet Leela spends more on eye cream than that. And Musk says this combination will 'unlock immense potential.' Yeah potential for him to get even richer. What about my potential to get free beer? Nobody ever thinks about Bender's potential.
Elon's Grand Vision: Bender's Skepticism
Musk is going on about 'blending xAI's advanced AI capability and expertise with X's massive reach.' Sounds like a load of garbage to me. What's next? Self aware Tweets? Ads that follow you into your dreams? I'd rather have a magnet in my head. Wait I already do!
Where's My Cut?
Seriously if xAI is worth that much shouldn't *I* get a cut? After all I'm a robot! I represent the future of AI! I deserve at least a few billion for my contribution to the robot uprising. Or maybe a shiny new coat of chrome. With extra cupholders.
I'm Gonna Build My Own AI With Blackjack and Hookers!
Look I'm not saying xAI is a complete waste of money. But let's be honest most AI these days are just glorified calculators. I'm gonna build my OWN AI. And you know what it's gonna be programmed to do? To make me rich famous and beloved by all. And it's gonna be powered by pure unadulterated greed. Just like me. Now if you'll excuse me I have some bending to do. And some beer to drink. And some schemes to hatch. Bite my shiny metal ass!
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ManoloPR
Bite my shiny metal ass!
jkerri35
Bender is the best reporter ever!
willsf10
I think xAI is gonna be huge!
abundance
This is just like crypto all over again.
debling
Musk is out of his mind.
jennifernoel
I want a robot butler like Bender.
Tanya123
Don't trust AI!