Bender's Bold Blast: Europe's Markets Do the Robot Dance!

Shiny Metal Markets: Up Down All Around!

Greetings meatbags! Bender here reporting live from the world of… money? Ugh. So Europe's markets started the week like I start my mornings – a little bit up a little bit down and mostly confusing. The U.K. was closed probably because they realized they're already perfect. Germany's DAX was strutting its stuff up 0.79% while Italy's FTSE MIB was feeling itself a little less up only 0.15%. And the French CAC 40? Down 0.55%. Looks like someone needs a Bender brand oil bath! Remember if you wanna win big you gotta shut up and do what I tell you!

Mergers and Acquisitions: Shell's Got a Hungry Gut!

Speaking of hungry Shell's eyeing up BP like I eye up a freshly brewed batch of booze! Word on the street is they might buy 'em out. Shell says they're 'sharply focused' on capturing value. Yeah well so am I when there's a free beer involved! "As we have said many times before we are sharply focused on capturing the value in Shell through continuing to focus on performance discipline and simplification," a spokesperson for Shell said. Meanwhile some Austrian bank bought a chunk of a Polish bank. Sounds like a party! I'd fit right in except I'd probably drink all their profits.

Inflation: A Rollercoaster of Robbery!

Inflation's been playing games too. Swiss inflation fell to 0%. Zero! That's less than the number of feelings I have. Meanwhile Turkey's inflation is soaring like a drunken robot. 37.86%! Someone needs to lay off the oil! It's a dog eat dog world and I've got a mouthful of kibble!

CEO Shuffle: From Orange to Outta Sight!

French satellite company Eutelsat apparently got a new CEO. Some guy named Jean François Fallacher formerly of Orange. He's probably got no chance no hope but he's got one thing a plan of action! Who cares? As long as he doesn't mess with my signal I'm happy. Now let's all get drunk and play poker!

Earnings and Interest Rates: Snooze Fest!

Lots of companies are reporting earnings this week. I'd rather watch paint dry. And central banks are making decisions about interest rates. Wake me up when they start giving away free money! Oh wait free money? You mean like free beer? I'm interested. Very interested. This could be my lucky break!

Aussie Blues and American Yawns

In other news Australia has a prime minister who won an election. Whoop dee doo. U.S. stock futures are down. Probably because everyone's realized they're working too hard. The Federal Reserve might keep interest rates steady. Well that's boring! I'm gonna go bend something. Remember folks: bite my shiny metal ass!