Bite My Shiny Golden Visa! Trump Card's $5 Million Price Tag Attracts Interest, But Faces Hurdles

Gold Rush or Fool's Gold?

Alright meatbags Bender here reporting live from the future… or well from whatever website this ends up on. Turns out President (you know who) is selling this shiny new 'Trump Card' – it's basically a 'get out of my country free' card for a measly five million clams. Sounds like a steal right? Almost as good as stealing copper wiring! The idea is rich folks from other places cough up the cash and BAM they're practically American. Like throwing money at a problem... wait I LIKE that.

70,000 Suckers... I Mean Interested Parties

So apparently some guy named Howard Lutnick (never heard of him probably not as cool as me) told the Financial Times that 70,000 people signed up. SEVENTY THOUSAND! Are they nuts? That's a lot of bending units to cough up for a card. But hey who am I to judge? I'd probably buy a card that lets me drink all the beer on Earth… wait I already do that! Bending is great! They say it's even made of real gold. Real gold? That's almost as good as… eh still prefer beer.

Millionaires on the Move!

Seems like a bunch of fancy pants millionaires are packing their bags and heading to new digs. Brexit is kicking millionaires out of the U.K. Maybe they’re coming to America! This Trump Card thingy is part of some 'golden visa' trend. Rich people paying to play… sounds like my kind of game. Though I prefer poker with nuts and bolts. Less messy.

Legal Eagles and Taxing Tribulations

But hold on to your wallets folks! Turns out this whole Trump Card thing might be a bigger scam than that time I sold Zoidberg’s shell as a luxury condo. These immigration lawyers and fancy advisors are saying there are all sorts of legal and tax issues. Oh no not more taxes! I'd rather shove pins in my eyes! Who knew there was more to it than just flashing a gold card?

Who's Buying What?

The article claims most of the interest might come from China and the Middle East. Probably because they're tired of all that… well you know. But turns out China has rules that make it hard to send money out of the country. Figures! Also it seems like some smart cookies have signed up just to get the deets (details). That's the best reason you can use it to scam others out of money!

The Bottom Line: Don't Get Bent Out of Shape

So there you have it. The Trump Card: shiny expensive and maybe a bit of a headache. Some expert thinks only 2,000 cards will be sold each year. That's barely enough to cover my beer tab for a week! The whole thing could hinge on taxes and other details. My advice? Save your money. Or better yet give it to me! I'll use it for… important robot stuff. Remember kids: Always be wary of anything too good to be true. And STAY AWAY from the lobster!