Trump Says Maybe Rich People Should Pay a 'Tiny' Bit More Taxes, But Also Maybe Not? A Leela Report

Trump's Taxing Conundrum: A Political Kazoo Solo

Good news everyone! It seems even *that* guy President… uh… what's his name again? Oh right Trump! He's openly pondering taxing the mega rich! I know right? It's like finding out Zoidberg's suddenly a genius. He says he reached out to Speaker Johnson (whoever THAT is) about adding a 'tiny' tax increase for the upper crust to the big GOP tax and spending bill. I'm all for it! Maybe then they can afford to fix those potholes that nearly swallowed the Planet Express ship last week. Although knowing our luck the money will probably go to building another giant statue of Nixon's head.

Read My Lips: More Like 'Read My Social Media'

Trump took to Truth Social (which sounds like a dating app for androids) to express his shall we say nuanced view. He's worried the 'Radical Left Democrat Lunatics' will start screaming 'Read my lips!' like George Bush the Elder. Honestly who even remembers that? But hey anything to stir the pot right? He even blames Ross Perot for Bush's loss! Talk about changing history. It's like Fry claiming he invented orange soda.

Republicans: To Tax or Not to Tax? That Is the Question!

So Trump's basically saying Republicans shouldn't do it but he's 'OK if they do!!!' Classic Trump! This is just making life harder for the GOP who are already trying to cut taxes without bankrupting the country. It's like trying to fly the Planet Express ship through a wormhole while Bender's singing opera. Nearly impossible!

Tax Cuts for Everyone... Except Maybe Some Very Rich People... Possibly...

Remember all those promises Trump made about cutting taxes on overtime tips and Social Security? And extending corporate tax cuts? It’s all part of his 'one big beautiful bill.' Which sounds suspiciously like a doomsday device. Rep. Jason Smith is meeting with Trump to figure it all out. I hope he brought a calculator… and maybe a hazmat suit.

The $4.5 Trillion Dollar Question

Speaker Johnson (still don't know who he is) admitted that they can't afford all the tax cuts they wanted. No surprise there. It's like trying to buy a solid gold spaceship with pocket change. They're even talking about closing the 'carried interest loophole,' which is apparently Wall Street's favorite tax dodge. I'm telling you these guys are always finding new ways to confuse me... almost as much as Zoidberg!

One Eyed Perspective: A Call for Clarity (and Maybe a Stiffer Drink)

Honestly I'm more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. Will the rich pay more? Will my taxes go down? Will Bender finally pay me back that $500 I lent him? Who knows! All I know is this whole thing is messier than a Slurm party. I need a stiff drink. And maybe some eye drops. This political nonsense is starting to give me a headache.