Holy Pilot Error Batman! Boeing Flies Away From Prosecution After 737 Max Crashes

Good News Everyone! (For Boeing at Least)

Alright crew gather 'round! Leela here reporting live from… well wherever you’re reading this. Turns out Boeing the company that makes those 737 Max planes that oh you know KILLED 346 people after has struck a deal with the U.S. Justice Department. Seems they get to skip out on being labeled as… wait for it… FELONS! I know I know you're shocked! This is bigger than Bender finding a clean energy source made entirely of booze!

The Fine Print (And I'm Not Talking About the Warning Labels on Bender)

So here's the deal. Boeing has to "pay or invest" over $1.1 billion. That includes a $487.2 million 'criminal fine' (though they get credit for some money they already paid) and some cash for crash victims and for get this 'compliance safety and quality programs.' You know the stuff they probably should have been doing in the first place. As Hermes would say 'Sweet llamas of the Bahamas!' I bet they wouldn't have had these problems if they had him counting things correctly!

Victims and Outrage: A Story as Old as Time (or at Least as Old as Last Tuesday)

Of course the families of the crash victims are… well let’s just say they’re not exactly thrilled. They've been saying this whole time the executives should face trial and demanded better accountability and justice for their loved ones. One could agree with that but as I have learned over the years life isn't fair like how I keep finding parking tickets on the ship even though it can fly.

Deja Vu All Over Again

Here's a fun fact: Boeing already had a settlement back in 2021 where they paid a $2.51 billion fine to avoid prosecution. That was set to expire RIGHT AFTER a door panel blew off a 737 Max 9 in January. Talk about cutting it close! It's like when Fry nearly destroyed the universe with his backwards time travel powers. At this point all I can say is why not just give everyone a big hug and a kiss goodbye?

Jedi Mind Tricks and Regulatory Shenanigans

Remember that former Boeing pilot Mark Forkner? The guy who told the FAA to delete the flight control system from the manuals and boasted about 'jedi mind tricking' regulators? Yeah he was acquitted. But the Justice Department said Boeing employees chose 'profit over candor.' Sounds like a job for the Justice Force 5!

So What Does it All Mean?

Well it means Boeing gets to keep building planes (and military equipment) without being labeled a felon. It also means the families of the victims are probably feeling like they've been slapped in the face with a wet fish. As for me? I’m just gonna stick to flying the Planet Express ship. At least I know Fry isn't going to 'jedi mind trick' me into crashing. Probably.