Good News Everyone! Google's Gemini AI is Coming to Your Data Centers!

My One Eye Sees All... Including Google's New Move

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting for Planet Express... or well for anyone who'll read this. Apparently Google's cloud division (whatever that is sounds like something Zoidberg would cough up) is letting people run their Gemini AI models in their OWN data centers. I know right? It's like they're finally giving up on trying to make everyone live in the cloud. Early access is coming in the third quarter so mark your calendars. Or don't. What do I care? As Calculon would say 'I was acting!'

Nvidia Steps In It's Like a Bad Sci Fi Movie

And get this Nvidia – you know the guys who make those fancy graphics chips that Fry probably uses to play video games – are getting involved. They're bringing Gemini to their Blackwell GPUs. Companies can buy the chips through Google or other channels. Honestly it sounds like a recipe for disaster. It's like giving Bender a credit card and access to a brewery what could possibly go wrong?

Control Freaks Beware!

So apparently Google's competitors like OpenAI and Anthropic are too controlling to let anyone else touch their AI toys. They don't want you messing with the 'quality and speed' of their precious technology. But Google bless their heart is willing to let you play around in your own sandbox. I guess they finally realised that people don't like being told what to do especially when it comes to their data. I hate being controlled just like how Mom hates me!

For the Paranoid Among Us

And here's the real kicker: even if you're holding onto top secret U.S. government secrets you can still use Gemini! They're offering an 'air gapped' version of Google Distributed Cloud which means it's totally disconnected from the internet. So you can run your AI models without worrying about anyone hacking into your system. Although if you're dealing with that much secret stuff maybe you should just stick to abacuses and carrier pigeons. As Zapp Brannigan would say 'In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.'

Google's Playing Catch Up Again

The article mentions that cloud infrastructure spending totaled $140 billion in 2023. Google only had 8% of the market while Amazon and Microsoft were hogging all the glory. So this Gemini thing is probably their attempt to claw back some market share. Honestly it's like watching Fry try to win a staring contest. Pathetic! But hey at least they're trying something new. Maybe. Possibly. I've seen better comebacks from Hedonismbot.

Multi Cloud Commitment? More Like Desperate Measures!

Google also announced a $32 billion agreement to buy some cloud security startup called Wiz. The Google Cloud chief said their commitment to multi cloud and investments in AI are the reasons they're seeing 'tremendous movement' with customers. Yeah right. Sounds like someone's been drinking too much Slurm. Gemini can process text audio and video in over 100 languages. Impressive. Now if only it could brew a decent cup of coffee. That would make my one eye really pop!