Oh Goodie! US and China to Have a Jolly Good Chinwag: Trade War Truce?

Geneva Getaway: A Diplomatic Dance

Right so the Yanks and the shall we say *less* sartorially blessed Chinese are off to Switzerland. Apparently Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent and U.S. trade representative Jamieson Greer are going to parley with their counterparts this weekend. Bessent bless his heart even went on Fox News (because where else would you get insightful commentary?) to bleat about 'shared interests.' Oh the humanity! I haven't heard such drivel since Mort Goldman tried to explain his 'romantic' feelings for Lois. 'Giggity giggity goo!'

Tariff Tantrums and Tea Parties

This whole tariff kerfuffle according to Bessent is 'unsustainable.' Well no duh! It's like saying Lois' cooking is 'unsustainable' for my delicate palate. Those 145% tariffs? Essentially an embargo darling. But fear not they don't want to 'decouple'. Good heavens no! They just want 'fair trade.' As if such a thing exists. It's all a bit like when I try to convince Brian that my evil plans are actually for the greater good. 'World domination for dummies,' I call it.

De escalation: The New Black?

The meetings are supposedly a 'major step' toward resolving this trade war. But Bessent ever the pragmatist thinks it's more about 'de escalation' than a grand bargain. 'We've got to de escalate before we can move forward,' he declares. Which let's be honest sounds like something I'd say to Bertram right before I unleash my latest world ending contraption. 'Just a little de escalation old boy!'

Trump's Trade Tirades

Of course Trump had to weigh in didn't he? He apparently ratcheted up tariffs on Chinese imports to 145%. Because subtlety is for losers right? And then he whined about people asking him about signing deals. 'Everyone says 'When when when are you going to sign deals?'' he griped. Oh the horror! As if he's not the one constantly boasting about his deal making prowess. It's like Peter complaining about his job while simultaneously stuffing his face with donuts. Hypocritical much?

Swiss Encounters and Shady Agendas

Bessent and Greer are also planning to meet with Swiss President Karin Keller Sutter. One can only imagine the awkward small talk. 'So Ms. Keller Sutter how do you feel about global thermonuclear war? Just curious.' Meanwhile the Chinese are sending Vice Premier He Lifeng. Because nothing says 'serious negotiations' like a Vice Premier. It's all very cloak and dagger isn't it? Almost makes me want to dust off my laser gun.

The Quest for Economic Utopia

Ultimately Bessent claims they're working towards 'rebalancing the international economic system.' Oh how noble! Greer chimes in about 'rebalancing our trade relations to achieve reciprocity.' Sounds frightfully dull doesn't it? I'd much rather be plotting my next scheme to conquer Quahog. At least that has a certain… flair.