Holy Crap Lois! Strait of Hormuz Shipping Takes a Dive Amidst Middle East Mayhem!

The Decline: Slower Than Peter's Intellect

Good heavens this is worse than the time Peter tried to understand quantum physics! According to that Jakob Larsen fellow at Bimco – sounds like a villain from a James Bond film doesn't he? – ships are giving the Strait of Hormuz the side eye. Apparently some shipowners are pausing their little voyages because and I quote 'the security situation' has gone a bit pear shaped. Oh this is gonna be interesting.

The Spark: America Messing About

So Uncle Sam decided to poke the Iranian nuclear beehive. Attacked three enrichment facilities did they? It's like Brian trying to explain the nuances of a dry martini to Peter – utterly pointless and bound to end in disaster. Iran naturally is not thrilled. They're threatening to defend their 'sovereignty and people'. Cue the dramatic music!

The Strait: A Very Important Watery Road

This Strait of Hormuz you see is rather like the gravy boat at Thanksgiving – everyone wants a piece and if it gets knocked over there's hell to pay! About 20% of the world's oil and LNG goes through there. Shut it down and suddenly your petrol costs more than Lois's therapy sessions. And we all know how expensive those are. Remember when she went to that quack to deal with Peter's idiocy? Madness!

Iran's Move: Cutting Off Their Nose to Spite Their Face?

And what's this? The Iranian parliament wants to close the Strait! It's like Peter deciding to diet by eating only mayonnaise – a spectacularly bad idea! They risk alienating everyone. But who needs friends when you've got nuclear ambitions eh? This is almost as bad as the time Brian tried to write a children's book...

Tankers on Standby: Waiting for the All Clear...Or a Catastrophe

Apparently tankers are now playing 'Red Light Green Light' outside the Strait. Waiting for the 'opportune moment' whatever that is. I imagine it involves fewer explosions and more reasonable geopolitical discourse. Though given the current climate I'm more likely to see Peter win a Nobel Prize. Suppliers are telling LNG lifters to 'not loiter'. Honestly the sheer drama! It’s like a soap opera written by a committee of lunatics.

Insurance Costs: Going Through the Roof!

Oh and did I mention the insurance? It's through the roof! As Peter Sand chief analyst at Xeneta mentioned everyone's assessing the risk 'several times a day'. You know like I assess the risk of being hugged by Peter. High. Very very high. Washington is now begging Beijing to prevent the strait's closure. Well good luck with that.