Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Wegovy! Novo Nordisk Teams Up with Telehealth to Make Me Skinny!

Respect My Weight Loss Goddamnit!

Alright listen up you guys. Cartman here reporting live from my mom's basement. Apparently Novo Nordisk – those guys who make Wegovy the weight loss drug I need not want – is teaming up with telehealth companies like Hims & Hers and Ro. Why? Because those cheapskate compounding pharmacies are getting shut down for making knock off versions. Good! I want the real deal not some crap that'll make me grow a third arm. This is all about ME getting skinny so respect my authoritah!

Hims & Hers? More Like 'Hims & Yours' As in Mine!

So Hims & Hers is all excited their stock is through the roof. They're gonna offer Wegovy with 24/7 care and nutritional guidance. Nutritional guidance? What do I need that for? I know what's good – cheesy poofs pot pies and chocolate covered pretzels! But whatever if it gets me the Wegovy I'll pretend to listen to their stupid advice. They are starting at $599 per month. Goddamnit that's a lot of money. Mom I need $600 STAT!

Ro Ro Ro Your Weight Away… For Less Money!

Ro is trying to undercut Hims & Hers offering Wegovy for $499 a month. They even throw in some coaching and educational content. Who cares? I'm not trying to get a degree in weight loss I just want to lose weight. Still cheaper is better especially when Mom's credit card is involved. Screw you guys I'm going with Ro!

Lilly's Being a Bunch of Kyle's...

Hims & Hers is also offering Eli Lilly's weight loss drugs but Lilly's being all snotty and saying they have "no affiliation" with Hims & Hers. Sounds like someone's jealous they didn't get invited to the party. Serves 'em right. Maybe they should try not being such Kyles.

Screw the Rules I Have Wegovy!

Apparently these compounding pharmacies were making knock off Wegovy because there was a shortage. But now the FDA is cracking down. Good. The "spirit" of the rules according to some dude at Novo Nordisk is to "stay true to what the rules are." What ever I say. I just want my Wegovy and I want it now!

I'm Not Fat I'm Festively Plump!

So there you have it you guys. Wegovy is coming to a telehealth provider near you! I'm gonna get skinny and then I'll be the coolest kid in South Park. Kenny won't be able to handle it. Butters will be super jealous. And Kyle? Well Kyle can just eat my farts. Now if you'll excuse me I need to find a way to convince Mom to sign up for this...