One Trillion Dollars! Muhahaha! Senate Republicans Plot to Thwart House Spending Bill!

The House Bill: Big Beautiful and Utterly Deplorable!

Alright people listen up! That House Speaker Johnson – no relation to my nemesis Austin Powers I assume – has the audacity to call this thing a 'big beautiful bill.' Big? Yes! Beautiful? NOT! It's more like a big beautiful opportunity for ME Doctor Evil to seize control! Senator Ron Johnson (Wisconsin) is the only one that makes sense. He's got some backbone unlike those other nincompoops! It appears that he has a plan to stall this monstrosity. One point for Senator Johnson!

Fiscal Hawks: More Like Fiscal Chickens!

These so called 'fiscal hawks' in the Senate are flapping their wings making noises about not supporting the bill in its current form. "We have enough to stop the process until the president gets serious about spending reduction and reducing the deficit," says Senator Johnson. Oh please! 'Serious'? That's where *I* come in! With my superior intellect and penchant for world domination I can make *anyone* get serious! Just give me a death ray and a really good accountant! And maybe a Mini Me.

One Trillion Dollars!

The real problem as always is the money! One... Trillion... Dollars! That's how much this bill could increase the deficit over the next decade according to those killjoys at the Congressional Budget Office. Three point eight TRILLION! Do you know what I could do with that kind of money? I could finally get my moon base! I could buy all the sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads that my evil heart desires! Muhahaha!

Pre Pandemic Spending: A Simpler More Evil Time

Senator Johnson wants to return to 'pre pandemic level spending.' I agree! Back when I could focus on more important things like perfecting my evil laugh and plotting the downfall of Austin Powers! Now I have to deal with these budget meetings and these senatorial types it's infuriating! It is almost as infuriating as the fact that Austin Powers has foiled all of my plans.

Wimpy and Anemic Cuts? More Like Pathetic!

Even Senator Rand Paul that other thorn in my side calls the spending cuts 'wimpy and anemic.' Wimpy! Anemic! These are words I reserve for my henchmen who can't even operate a simple trap door! Although if this bill 'explode[s] the debt,' as Senator Paul says then perhaps that's even more perfect than he realizes. It's like the plot of a Bond movie I love it!

Evil Genius Required: Defeating the Bill Is Only The First Step

So the Senate Republicans are plotting to thwart the House bill. Good! But that's just the beginning! Once we control the budget we can control EVERYTHING! The world will tremble before my fiscal might! And Austin Powers? He'll be too busy filing his taxes to stop me! Mwahahaha! Prepare for world domination. And this time I mean it! I'm increasing the ransom to... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!