U.S. Infrastructure: Is Big Problem! Like Trying to Kiss My Sister!

America's Potty is Clogged!

Jagshemash everyone! Borat Sagdiyev here reporting live from... well I'm not entirely sure. America I think? My travels have taken me to see your amazing infrastructure and by amazing I mean like trying to kiss my sister – disappointing! Your bridges are melting your airports are turning into swimming pools and your telecommunications are… how you say… kaput! Very nice!

Rain So Heavy Is Like Niagara Falls From My Armpits!

In Fort Lauderdale the rain was so heavy it turned runways into rivers! Rivers I tell you! Planes were stranded people were sad and I couldn't find a single mankini for sale. New York City? Your bridges are so hot they are getting stuck open. Is like trying to… well you get the idea. It's not good!

American Engineers are Worried Very Worried!

The American Society of Civil Engineers these smart fellas are saying that all your infrastructure is at risk from climate change. They gave America a grade of 'C'. 'C' is for 'could be better,' or maybe 'catastrophe.' They say your infrastructure was built for a climate that no longer exists! Is like building a house out of cheese and expecting it to survive a hurricane.

Investors are Sweating More Than Me After a Wrestling Match!

Even the big money people are worried! They're asking questions like 'How should I invest in my infrastructure when it's all going to melt or flood?' Smart question! They need to think about insurance different types of insurance. Maybe insurance that covers giant sinkholes? Very important!

Science is Under Attack! Is Like Attacking My Neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay!

But here's the crazy part! The previous president the man with the strange hair he cut funding for science! He fired people who know about climate! Is like attacking my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay – very bad idea! Now nobody knows where to get the information they need. Chaos!

America Needs Money Lots of Money! More Than I Need for My Daughter's Nose Job!

America needs $3.7 trillion to fix this mess! Trillions! That's more money than I've seen in my entire life. And the previous president also cancelled programs that were supposed to help reduce damage from natural disasters. Is like… well it's just stupid! Very not nice!