Jagshemash! Is DoorDash Trying to Steal Delicious Food From Great Nation of UK with $3.6 Billion Offer for Deliveroo?

Very Nice! Deliveroo Get Big American Suitor!

Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from… well not Kazakhstan this time. I am reporting about British food delivery company called Deliveroo. Seems they are like very beautiful woman with many suitors! But this suitor is DoorDash big company from America like Pamela Anderson but for delivering food! They offer $3.6 billion for Deliveroo! Is very big number almost as big as my… knowledge of global affairs! Chenqui!

Stop the Presses! Buyback Program Cancelled! Is Like Cancelling Wedding!

Deliveroo they had this plan to buy back shares like buying many wives for one man. But now they stop this plan! Is like farmer selling his prize winning cow! The Deliveroo says they are pausing the £100 million buyback because this DoorDash offer is big news. Is very exciting! Maybe too exciting! I must calm down with glass of fermented horse urine. Is good for nerves!

Shares Soar! Is Like Rocketship to Moon… of Kazakhstan!

Shares of Deliveroo they go up very high! Like my hopes when I see Pamela Anderson! Up 17.6%! Is very impressive. Everyone wants to own piece of Deliveroo now. But will they get it? Only time will tell! Maybe is good time to invest! Or maybe is time to buy new tracksuit. Decisions decisions!

DoorDash Offer: 180 Pence Per Share! Is That Good Price for Wife?

DoorDash offers 180 pence for each Deliveroo share. I don't know much about shares but is this good price? Is like asking how much good wife cost. In Kazakhstan we trade wives for sheep and tractor. Is much simpler! I must ask my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay he knows about these things. He also knows about making baby oil from badger fat. Very useful man!

'Floperoo' No More? Or Still Shameful Like My Dancing?

Some people say Deliveroo is 'Floperoo' because when they first started they were not so good. Like my first attempt at American dating! But now they make profit! Is good! But is it enough? Will DoorDash make them great success? Or will they still be embarrassing like when I wore mankini on beach? We shall see!

Good News for UK? Maybe Not! But High Five!

Some British people are sad because if DoorDash buys Deliveroo is like another British company leaving. Is not good for national pride! But I say who cares about national pride when you can have delicious food delivered to your door? Is win win! High five! Just don't let them deliver fermented horse urine. Is only for special occasions.