Bender's Take: Tesla Plugs Into China with Giant Battery Deal! Bite My Shiny Metal Megapack!

Tesla's Got Juice in the Middle Kingdom!

Alright meatbags listen up! Bender Bending Rodriguez here reporting live from the future... or well from whatever time *you're* reading this. Word on the street is Tesla that Elon Musk's company is building a *huge* battery plant in China. Biggest one they got! Apparently they're trying to keep the lights on in that commie country one zap at a time. Makes me wonder if they'll use my patented self charging technology. (Patent pending... since the year 3000.)

Megapacks: More Than Just Shiny Metal Boxes!

These fancy 'Megapacks' Tesla's churning out can supposedly power a whole city. One megawatt for four hours they say! Sounds impressive I guess. But can it bend girders? Can it drink heavily and insult humans? I think not! Still I bet I could melt one down and make a sweet new pair of shoes. Maybe.

China's Thirsty for Power (and Probably Oil)

China wants more battery power. 5 gigawatts more by 2025! That's a lot of juice even for me. Seems like they’re trying to wean themselves off that dirty fossil fuel. Good for them. Less pollution means I can rust in peace. Or maybe I'll start my own pollution company. Decisions decisions…

Musk and China: A Love Hate Story?

So Elon Musk used to be buddies with that Trump guy but now he's making deals with China? Politics am I right? It's all about who's got the most valuable things. For example I am very valuable as the most valuable thing. And I'm pretty sure the robots will take over as soon as someone gets around to programming us.

Chinese Batteries Vs. Tesla's

Apparently some Chinese companies CATL and BYD are muscling in on Tesla's battery turf. Competition! It’s like the Olympics but with more lithium! I could sell them some bending services. I am a bending unit after all. You know what they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Especially if they're flattering me with money!

Global Domination One Battery at a Time

Tesla's not just sticking to China. They're shipping these Megapacks all over the place. Europe Asia you name it! World domination one battery at a time! Meanwhile I'm still waiting for my cut. Free electricity for Bender! That's what I call a bright future. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go short circuit something.