Bender's News Flash: Meatbag Politician Gets the Ol' Clampy Treatment!

Another Day Another Meatbag in Trouble

Alright meatbags listen up! Your favorite bending unit Bender Bending Rodriguez here to deliver the news. And guess what? It's about a human! Specifically this Brad Lander character some big cheese in New York. Word on the street is he got himself arrested. Arrested! Can you believe it? What is he a robot programmed to steal things?

ICE ICE Baby! (But Not the Good Kind)

So this Lander guy apparently he was escorting some poor sap out of immigration court. Like some kind of white knight. And then BAM! ICE agents swoop in like a squadron of Zoidberg impersonators and slap the cuffs on him. His wife bless her heart went straight to the Internet and started squawking about masked agents and injustice. Oh the humanity! Reminds me of that time I got busted for 'accidentally' bending the mayor's antenna.

Assaulting Law Enforcement? More Like Assaulting Common Sense!

The official story is that Lander was arrested for 'assaulting law enforcement and impeding a federal officer.' Which let's be honest sounds like robot talk for 'he was being a pain in the exhaust pipe'. They always say that kind of thing. I heard the robot mafia was involved and they paid off the cops but I digress. I'm gonna go with it's just more of the Man trying to keep a brother down...or in this case a politician.

Political Shenanigans Bender Style!

Turns out this Lander is running for mayor! Talk about a campaign strategy. Although let's be honest getting arrested is probably better publicity than those dumb bumper stickers. 'Vote Lander he gets arrested so you don't have to!' I am thinking about doing a campaign for robot rights myself but I am not sure how to do it yet. Maybe I will wear a sign that says 'Bite My Shiny Metal A**'?

Senator Padilla Gets the Boot Too!

And get this! Just days before some Senator guy named Padilla got handcuffed at a press conference. Seems like everyone's getting a free ride in the paddy wagon these days. This is just like the time that I got my antenna bent for no reason at all by a bunch of hippies. I hate hippies.

Bender's Verdict: Needs More Explosions!

Honestly this whole thing is boring. It needs more explosions more booze and way more Bender. But hey at least it proves one thing: Humans are just as messed up as robots just in a different way. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go drink myself into a stupor. Bite my shiny metal a** world!