Doh! Air India Plane Goes Kablooey! Dreamliner Turns Nightmare-liner!

A Plane tary Disaster!

Mmm airplane! Usually that's a good thing like when Marge makes me a steak. But not this time folks. This Air India Dreamliner a Boeing 787 thingamajigger went belly up right after takeoff from Ahmedabad. Turns out 'Dreamliner' is just a fancy way of saying 'Nightmare liner' when it crashes into a residential area. D'oh! At least 241 people went to meet their maker and I bet He wasn't serving donuts up there. This is worse than when I found out Duff Gardens doesn't have a real garden. Sad very sad.

One Lucky Stiff! (And Not In The Bart Simpson Way)

Believe it or not there was ONE survivor! One! He's probably saying 'Eat my shorts!' to death right now. They took him to a local hospital probably full of doctors who are all like 'I need beer!' I hope they give him a lifetime supply of donuts and a big squishy couch to recover on. He deserves it after that flaming falling uh... flight. Reminds me of the time I tried to fly with a kite and a lawn chair. Didn't end well but at least I didn't crash into a building. Woohoo... for him? Poor guy.

Flight 171: A Minute To Disaster

So this Flight 171 heading to London Gatwick (probably full of people going to see some fancy Shakespeare play) lost its signal less than a minute after takeoff. ONE MINUTE! That's less time than it takes me to eat a donut! Apparently it only made it to 625 feet before nose diving. 'Vertical speed of 475 feet per minute'? Sounds like something Mr. Burns would cook up to save on elevator costs. This is worse than when I realized they don't sell beer at the DMV! Seriously what's the deal with that?

Boeing's Bad Day: Stock Goes Down Like My Pants At Krusty Burger

The bigwigs at Boeing are probably sweating more than I do after mowing the lawn. Their stock is down 4%! That's like losing all the money I saved up for... well more donuts! They’re saying all the right things like how sorry they are and how they’re gonna investigate but let's be real they're probably just hoping everyone forgets about it by the time the next Simpsons episode airs. I tell ya sometimes I think everything's just one big conspiracy... like how they make the sprinkles fall off the donuts when you bite into them. It's a trap!

Blame It On the Engine? Or Maybe Bart?

Everyone's pointing fingers trying to figure out why this metal bird turned into a flaming meteor. Was it the GE Aerospace engines? Was it gremlins? Maybe Bart Simpson snuck onto the plane and started messing with the controls! That kid is always up to no good! I bet he's behind this! Remember when he sold his soul for some Alf pogs? He’s a menace! They’re gonna need a whole team of fancy pants investigators to figure this one out. And maybe a priest. And a donut. Donuts always help... except when they cause heart attacks.

Air India's CEO: 'Mmm Damage Control'

Air India's CEO this Campbell Wilson fella is putting on a brave face saying they’re focused on helping the families and all that jazz. He's probably got a team of lawyers telling him what to say so they don't get sued into oblivion. I bet he wishes he could just yell 'It wasn't me!' and run away. But no he's gotta deal with this mess. Poor guy. I wonder if they serve Duff Beer on Air India flights? If not I'm not flying with them!