JD Vance Says Stablecoins Are A Force Multiplier?! Good News, Everyone!

Vegas Baby! And Bitcoin Too!

Greetings Earthicans! Your one eyed delivery girl Leela reporting live from the glitzy glamorous and ever so slightly radioactive Las Vegas. Apparently they’re having some kinda convention for… uh… Bit Coins? Sounds like something Fry would find under the couch cushions. Anyway this JD Vance fella apparently the Vice President (who knew?) used his air time to yap about stablecoins and how great they are for the U.S. economy. He said and I quote 'In this administration we do not think that stablecoins threaten the integrity of the U.S. dollar. Quite the opposite. We view them as a force multiplier of our economic might.' Force multiplier? Sounds like something Dr. Farnsworth would invent probably involving doomsday devices.

Trump's Crypto Crusade Continues!

Remember when that orange skinned guy spoke at Bitcoin 2024? Well seems like that was just the beginning. Vance is doubling down on the pro crypto message. Apparently the crypto industry helped fund their campaign. Talk about a conflict of interest! You’d think they were trying to buy votes with shiny Bit Coins. I wouldn’t be surprised if Zoidberg showed up looking for some crypto to buy!

The GENIUS Act: Is It Really That Smart?

So there’s this thing called the GENIUS Act. Not to be confused with Professor Farnsworth's inventions which are genuinely genius (and occasionally deadly). It's supposed to regulate these stablecoins. Apparently it cleared some hurdle in the Senate but it's facing a battle in the House. It's like trying to herd cats only the cats are made of digital currency. Bender would probably try to melt them down for scrap metal.

Trump's Crypto Conflict: A Real Head Scratcher!

Now here’s the kicker: apparently Trump has his own crypto ventures including a meme coin and a stablecoin from his family's crypto business. Talk about a conflict of interest! I mean come on! Even Bender wouldn’t be that greedy. Some Democrats are worried and rightfully so. Sounds like a real Planet Express level disaster waiting to happen!

Firing Gensler: A Crypto Victory?

Vance also took a shot at some guy named Gary Gensler saying they “fired” him and plan to “fire everyone like him.” Sounds like a real hostile takeover. He also mentioned something about owning “a fair amount of bitcoin.” Well la dee da! I bet he has a robot butler and a mansion made of platinum too! I bet he does the cha cha!

Good News Everyone! More Crypto in Retirement Plans!

As if all this wasn’t enough the Department of Labor is now letting people invest their retirement funds in crypto. What could possibly go wrong? I’m sure everyone will be retired and living like kings! Or more likely living under a bridge with only a handful of worthless Bit Coins to their name. Either way sounds like a thrilling ride! Back to the ship everyone! Time to make some deliveries!