Good News, Everyone! Amazon's New Robot 'Vulcan' Won't Steal ALL Our Jobs (Just Some)

One Eyed Wonder Reporting For Duty!

Alright meatbags Leela here your favorite cyclops and captain of the Planet Express ship reporting live (or well writing) from the trenches of… well the internet. Seems like that big ol' megacorp Amazon has unleashed a new robot named 'Vulcan' into their warehouses. Apparently it's got a sense of touch! I know right? Finally a robot that can feel my frustration when Fry tries to 'help' with deliveries. But seriously this Vulcan bot is supposed to handle items and even help make warehouses safer.

Not Just Another Pretty Circuit Board

This Vulcan ain't like those other simpleton robots. Amazon's been using robotic arms since 2021 but those were just using cameras and suction cups. Talk about primitive! This new bot can actually *feel* what it's grabbing with its AI powered sensors. It can figure out how much pressure to use. I mean it's not quite Bender level sarcasm but it's a start. According to Aaron Parness who's in charge of Amazon Robotics Vulcan can work 20 hours a day which is probably how long it takes to find something on Amazon these days anyway.

Good News! (For Some People)

So will this robot make us all unemployed and living in cardboard boxes under the overpass? Well Parness claims Vulcan will *create* new higher skilled jobs. Like you know robot maintenance and stuff. He even says they don't believe in 100% automation. 'If we had to get Vulcan to do 100% of the stows and picks it would never happen. You would wait your entire life. Amazon understands this.' So at least they admit some things take forever. Still color me skeptical. I've seen enough doomsday scenarios to know how this usually goes.

Safety First (Kinda)

The goal they say is to have Vulcan handle the top rows of bins which are tough for humans to reach. Makes sense right? Keep the humans in the 'power zone' and lower those injury rates. One Amazon worker Kari Freitas Hardy said it would have made her job as a picker so much easier. Which let's face it is a low bar. Amazon's had some serious problems with worker injuries so maybe this Vulcan bot can help. But if it starts organizing mandatory trust falls I'm out.

Robots... Slower Than A Delivery To Omicron Persei 8?

Now here's the kicker: Amazon says Vulcan operates at about the same speed as a human worker and can handle items up to 8 pounds. Seems to me my niece could do better than that. It operates behind a fence for safety which is probably a good idea. But according to some expert named Bill Ray taking out the last human is too expensive and disruptive. Which is probably why we don't have self delivering spaceships yet.

The Future Is Now! (Probably)

So what's the verdict? Well it seems like humans and robots will be working side by side for the foreseeable future. Kari Freitas Hardy the Amazon worker is now working *with* the robots. She even said it's exciting to see the growth potential. Though she isn't making any more money yet but Amazon claims some folks get a 40% pay increase in their robotics program. Hey maybe I should sign up! Anyway Vulcan is only in full operation at one warehouse right now but they plan to add it to more facilities in 2026. So buckle up buttercups. The robot revolution is… slowly… rolling… along.