Waymo's Robotaxi Revolution: San Jose Braces for Driverless Apocalypse!

Good lord! The Machines Are Taking Over!

Right so apparently those blithering idiots at Waymo have managed to convince the California Public Utilities Commission that their driverless deathtraps are ready to infest more of our precious Bay Area. San Jose you poor unsuspecting bastards! I mean honestly what's next? Robot butlers? Oh wait I've already got one of those...sort of. It's Brian and he's about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

San Jose: The Next Testing Ground for Skynet?

Mayor Matt Mahan bless his simple heart is all aflutter about Waymo embodying the region's 'spirit of innovation.' Innovation? More like 'spirit of impending doom!' I can just see it now: hordes of driverless cars careening through the streets terrorizing pedestrians and probably playing that infernal 'Surfin' Bird' song on an endless loop. It's enough to drive a genius baby to drink!

250,000 Paid Rides a Week? You've Got to be Kidding Me!

A quarter of a million rides a week? Who in their right mind would trust these metal monstrosities with their lives? Are people really that eager to hand over control to a computer program? It's madness I tell you! Sheer unadulterated madness! Though I suppose it does free up time for more important things like world domination. And maybe a bit of sherry.

Toyota Joins the Fray? Oh This is Just Rich!

And now Toyota wants in on the action? Pairing robotaxi tech with personally owned vehicles? This is going to end well...said no one ever. Imagine you're cruising down the highway the car decides it knows better than you and suddenly you're being whisked away to...I don't know...a truck stop in Bakersfield? The horror!

California DMV: Rules? What Rules?

Of course the California Department of Motor Vehicles is 'considering new rules.' Considering? While these things are already multiplying like rabbits? Honestly it's like letting a toddler handle a loaded weapon. 'Oh we're thinking about maybe teaching him gun safety...eventually.' Idiots!

The Future is Now and it's Terrifyingly Convenient!

So there you have it. The future is here and it's filled with driverless cars questionable partnerships and a complete lack of common sense. I for one will be hunkered down in my laboratory perfecting my latest world domination device. Because let's face it if the robots are taking over the roads someone needs to be prepared to fight back. Pip pip da da doo!