Good Heavens! Circle's Stock Rockets Like Brian After Too Much Martini!

Victory is Mine! (and Circle's)

Oh joy! It appears Circle much like my own evil schemes has made a triumphant return! After a brief wobble that had me reaching for my doomsday device blueprint it's up 8%. One might say it's as if someone finally understood my brilliance. I dare say investors were having a 'road house'. After losing 15% it seems that there was 'something something complete!'

Coinbase: The New Rupert?

Coinbase that plebian establishment seems to think it can outshine Circle. Preposterous! They've gained 15% riding on Circle's coattails like Brian trying to steal my sardine pate. They're apparently the main distribution platform for USDC receiving half the interest revenue. Half! As if that's enough to buy me off with anything less than a solid gold time machine.

600%? Groovy!

A 600% increase since their IPO? Good heavens even I haven't managed such a return on my ventures. Though to be fair most of my inventions end up setting the house on fire. Still impressive! And Coinbase is having its best month since well whenever they last had a good month. Probably before they realized I was the true financial genius.

Powell's Predicament: Interest Rate Agony!

Jerome Powell that old codger is being pressured to lower interest rates. By Trump no less! The audacity. It could affect Circle's earnings as they make money on USDC reserves. Honestly the man's facing more pressure than I do when trying to explain the intricacies of quantum physics to Brian. 'Stop touching my stuff!'

The GENIUS Act: Stablecoin Salvation?

There's this so called 'GENIUS Act' to regulate stablecoins. As if government regulation ever improved anything! It's like trying to teach Chris table manners. A noble effort but ultimately futile. I say let the market run wild and reward the truly brilliant – like myself of course.

Awaiting World Domination (and Higher Stock Prices)

So the bill is off to the House. Let's see if those buffoons can make sense of it. In the meantime I'll be here plotting my world domination and hoping Circle's stock keeps soaring. After all a growing economy means more resources for my diabolical inventions. As I always say 'Victory is mine!'