Baidu's Robotaxi Revolution: Europe, Prepare to Be Bowled Over!

Curse You Baidu!

Oh pip pip cheerio world! It's Stewie Griffin here to deliver the lowdown on the latest scheme to disrupt my plans for global domination. Apparently Baidu – yes the company that sounds like a noise a dim witted canine would make – is planning to unleash its 'Apollo Go' robotaxis upon the unsuspecting Europeans. Switzerland and Turkey of all places. Honestly couldn't they have picked somewhere a bit more shall we say *strategically important* to my world takeover? Like Rhode Island? No? Fine. Be that way.

Driverless? More Like Pointless!

According to my sources (and by sources I mean the internet which is basically the same thing) these 'robotaxis' are fully driverless. Driverless! As if trusting humans to navigate the streets wasn't already a monumental error in judgment. Now we're letting soulless machines do it? What's next robot waiters who judge your culinary choices? Oh wait…

Subsidized Fares? Sounds Like Socialism!

And get this: the fares are subsidized! Subsidized I say! It's practically communism! I mean where's the incentive to build your own time machine and corner the market on horse drawn carriages if everyone's getting cheap robotaxi rides? This is simply unacceptable you ninnies!

Dubai and Abu Dhabi: A Desperate Grasp for Relevance

Apparently these Baidu blokes are also setting their sights on Dubai and Abu Dhabi. One can only assume they're hoping to blend in with the general air of artificiality and excess that permeates those places. Though let's be honest a robotaxi is hardly going to raise any eyebrows in a city where gold plated toilets are considered a necessity.

Hong Kong Testing: Because Why Not?

They are testing this thing in Hong Kong too? I swear these people are just throwing darts at a map and deciding where to inflict their technological terrors next. I mean what's next robotaxis in the arctic? I'd like to see them navigate that especially when it comes to going to the Winchester to have a nice cold pint and wait for all of this to blow over.

Competition? Pah!

Of course there's some rival company called Pony.AI teaming up with Uber. Uber! As if I needed another reason to despise that app. Remember the time I tried to order an Uber to take me to the moon? Disgraceful service. Simply disgraceful. These blithering idiots at Pony.AI think they can compete with my brilliance? I'd like to see them try! Now if you excuse me I have a ray gun to calibrate.