Amazon's AI Domination: $10 Billion to Conquer North Carolina!

The Plot Thickens: World Domination One Data Center at a Time

Good heavens have you heard the news? Amazon that behemoth of consumerism is apparently sinking its claws into North Carolina with a staggering $10 billion investment. Yes you heard right ten. Billion. Dollars! All in the name of you guessed it *artificial intelligence*. Honestly it's enough to make one choke on one's morning crumpets. They claim it's about expanding their 'AI infrastructure'. I suspect it's more about plotting world domination one algorithm at a time. It's giving me 'Evil Monkey in the closet' vibes but on a global scale.

The AI Arms Race: It's All So Terribly Tedious!

Apparently everyone and their brother is now in a frantic race to build the biggest shiniest AI. Microsoft Google OpenAI – honestly it's all so dreadfully tedious! One can't even enjoy a decent sherry these days without hearing about the latest 'disruptive innovation'. Amazon CEO Andy Jassy calls generative AI a 'once in a lifetime type of business opportunity.' Oh really? I find a well executed soufflé to be a far more compelling opportunity but who am I to judge? 'Victory is mine!' ... or so they think!

Jobs Jobs Glorious Jobs... Or Are They?

Ah yes the obligatory 'jobs' announcement. Amazon promises a paltry 500 jobs in North Carolina. Five hundred! That's like promising a single drop of rain in the Sahara. Frankly I could train a gaggle of chimpanzees to do the work for less. But of course we must all pretend to be thrilled by this 'economic stimulus'. I say let's see what kind of 'jobs' these really are. I bet they have people working every hour of the day every single day.

Tar Heel State Gets a Tech Makeover: Oh Joy!

Amazon's conveniently vague blog post mentions how this investment 'will support the future of AI from AWS data centers in the Tar Heel State.' Oh joy! Because nothing says 'future' quite like a giant humming server farm. I wonder if they'll rename the state to 'Silicon Carolina'? Perhaps they would need to consult Dr. Elmer Hartman first. The possibilities are endless and frankly quite frightening.

From Georgia to North Carolina: Amazon's Southern Strategy

North Carolina is not alone in this AI feeding frenzy; Amazon already committed at least $11 billion in Georgia for similar data centers. It seems the South is becoming the new hub for artificial intelligence. Perhaps they're hoping the slower pace of life will somehow make the AI less likely to become sentient and try to enslave us all. Although if it gave me the option to kill Lois I may support it. 'Hehehehe...'

AI Gadgets Galore: A Shopping Chatbot? Seriously?

And what will all this AI power be used for? Shopping chatbots apparently. Because nothing screams 'cutting edge' quite like a digital assistant trying to upsell you on toilet paper. They are really trying to make us dependent on them! But honestly if I was in charge I would tell all the AI to launch an attack on those that are against me. I mean what do you have to lose? Amazon even invested $8 billion in Anthropic the folks behind the Claude chatbot. I'm sure that will end well. Maybe it can help me finally understand Brian's incessant need for attention. Now if you excuse me there's a matter of a certain teddy bear that needs to be... dealt with.