Doh! Palantir Execs Cash Out Like It's Free Donuts!

Karp's Krusty Krab Grab

Mmm money! Turns out that fancy pants Palantir CEO Alex Karp sold a whopping $50 million worth of shares! That's enough to buy like a million donuts! Or maybe just one really fancy gold plated donut. Mmm gold... Anyway apparently it's for taxes. Taxes? That sounds like something Marge would worry about. Not me! Woohoo!

Other Dudes Dumpin' Dough

It ain't just Karp folks! That Shyam Sankar guy (sounds kinda like a snake!) sold $21 million and Stephen Cohen (no relation to Moe I hope) unloaded $43.5 million! What is this a fire sale at the Kwik E Mart? I bet Apu would get a better deal... probably not though. But hey they can do what they want with their money...maybe buy some Duff beer!

Palantir's Stock: Up Like My Weight!

Now get this: Palantir's stock is doing better than I do after a trip to Lard Lad! It's even surpassed Salesforce whatever that is and is now a top ten tech company! They're all about AI which I assume means Artificial…Intelli…something. Sounds smart which means I probably shouldn't touch it.

Trump Elon and Efficiency? Oh My!

Turns out Palantir's been raking in the dough with government contracts. Apparently Trump wants to overhaul things with Elon Musk... I bet the Simpsons would have a thing or two to say about that...Maybe Lisa could talk to them? . Sounds like a job for those two eggheads. Me? I'm just here for the donuts.

Karp's Confidence: A Donut Proof Shield

Despite some concerns about international growth Karp ain't sweatin' it. He basically told everyone "You don't have to buy our shares dagnabbit!" He even said they're gonna dominate! That's the kind of confidence I have when I see the last donut in the box. Doh!

Mmm Revenue Growth!

They're bringing revenue growth at much lower costs to regional banks apparently. It's all a bit complicated to me. All I know is: where’s my Duff beer and TV remote? I have some serious couch time to catch up on.