Doh! Did Trump Just Make Apple Stock Delicious Again?!

Mmm Stock Rally!

Woohoo! Turns out those smarty pants at Apple got a sweet sweet break! President Trump – you know the guy with the…interesting hair – put a pause on those 'reciprocal tariffs'. Sounds kinda like 'tortillas,' right? Mmm tortillas! Anyway these tariffs were gonna mess with Apple's places in Vietnam India and Thailand where they probably make those shiny iPhones. So the stock? It went all crazy and jumped 15%! That's like finding a whole box of donuts...chocolate covered!

Trillion Dollar Donut?

And get this it added over $400 BILLION to Apple's pile of money. I'm not sure even Mr. Burns has that much moolah! Now Apple's worth almost 3 TRILLION dollars! That’s enough to buy a lifetime supply of Duff Beer… for everyone! And get this it was their best day since 1998 back when Steve Jobs was still running the show probably yelling at people to make the iPod smaller. Remember the iPod? Those were the days. Before everyone had phones that could do everything. Ah simpler times...

Trump's Tariff Troubles!

Now Apple's been getting hit by Trump's tariffs harder than I get hit by Marge when I accidentally set the house on fire. Before this good news their stock was doing worse than Bart's grades. People were worried see 'cause Apple still makes most of their money selling things you can actually hold. Like iPhones! Which you know have to be shipped here from…wherever they make 'em. And most of 'em are made in China! Doh!

China's Got the Sugar!

And China got tariffs bumped up to 125%! Ouch! That's like putting hot sauce on my donut! Then China turned around and put tariffs on our stuff too. So Apple could’ve gotten caught in a trade war which is like a food fight but with money. And they could lose out in China which is like their third biggest market! So if China gets Apple stuff for the low low there is going to be hell toupee!

Vietnam and India to the Rescue!

But here’s where the good news comes in! Trump lowered the tariffs on stuff from Vietnam and India. So now Apple can make more stuff there and get it to us without paying a ton of extra money! It’s like finding a shortcut to Moe's! Fewer miles to travel less money spent on gas. Woohoo! Apple must be saying 'Everything's coming up Milhouse!' now.

Everything's Coming Up Apple!

So stocks went up everywhere after Trump's tariff timeout. Even the Nasdaq thingy went way up! Apple hasn’t said anything about all this tariff stuff yet but I bet Tim Cook – he's the boss man there – will talk about it soon. Hopefully he’ll send me a free iPhone as a thank you for this awesome news report! Mmm free stuff!