Doh! 23andMe's DNA Data is Going Where?!

Mmm Bankruptcy...

Hey hey everyone! It's your pal Homer Simpson reporting live from my couch! So get this: 23andMe the company that tells you if you're related to a monkey or a pile of donuts is going belly up! Chapter 11 bankruptcy they call it. Sounds serious like when Bart almost got expelled for putting itching powder in Principal Skinner's underwear!

Don't Touch Willie! Good Advice!

Turns out those brainy guys in Washington D.C. are sweating bullets about where all your DNA is gonna end up. Apparently some fellas named Guthrie Bilirakis and Palmer (sounds like a law firm from a movie!) sent a strongly worded letter to the 23andMe big shots. They're worried all that precious genetic goo could fall into the wrong hands. Doh!

Hackers? I'm Never Gonna Sell Anything Again!

Like imagine Snake Jailbird gettin' ahold of your DNA! He'd probably use it to clone himself a whole army of Snakes to rob the Kwik E Mart! Or even worse he might try to steal my last donut! And back in 2023 a bunch of sneaky hackers already swiped data from like 7 million people! That's almost as many donuts as I can eat in one sitting!

HIPAA diddly ho Neighborino!

So these Congress y types are saying regular doctor stuff is protected by this thing called HIPAA but 23andMe is like off the grid! They're not covered! It's like when I tried to avoid paying taxes by declaring myself a religion: "The First Church of Homer!" Didn't work then and it probably won't work for them either.

Potential Buyers Must Agree to Comply with 23andMe's Consumer Privacy Policy and All Applicable Laws with Respect to the Treatment of Customer Data?!

The big wigs at 23andMe keep saying 'Don't worry everyone! Whoever buys us has to pinky swear to keep your DNA safe!' But these guys are also saying that customers can still delete their account and data. It's all a bit confusing kinda like trying to understand why Marge likes that Sideshow Bob so much!

Can't Get Rid of Your DNA?!

But wait there's a snag! Some folks are saying they CAN'T delete their data! It's like when I tried to get rid of that tattoo of Maggie on my arm… it just wouldn't budge! So if you're worried about your DNA falling into the wrong hands maybe it's time to panic! D'oh!