Screw You Guys, I'm Replacing Google! Apple's AI Search Takeover!

Respect My Authoritah! Cue's Big Mouth Sinks Stocks

Alright listen up you guys! Eddy Cue from Apple that stupid hippie went and opened his big mouth in court. Apparently he thinks AI is gonna replace Google. Can you believe this crap? He's talking about adding OpenAI Perplexity and Anthropic to Safari. As if I care about any of that mumbo jumbo. But get this it made Alphabet's stock tank harder than Kenny in a fireworks factory! I'm talking a 7% drop! Respect my authoritah you should listen to me instead.

Google's Dirty Little Secret: Paying Apple to Be Default. Lame!

So Google's been paying Apple a buttload of money – like twenty BILLION dollars in 2022 – to be the default search engine on iPhones. That's like more than I've extorted from my mom for Cartmanland! No wonder Apple's being such a tool; money talks. Now some judge is all up in Google's business about dominating ad tech markets. It's about time someone took those capitalist pigs down a peg. Screw you guys I'm going home and start my own search engine...with blackjack and hookers. In fact forget the search engine!

Apple's in Trouble? Good They're Hippies!

But hold on this lawsuit could screw Apple too! Their stock went down 2%. Two percent! That's practically nothing! But still those tree hugging hippies are sweating. Cue even said he's losing sleep over losing that sweet Google cash. Serves them right. They should be selling iPhones not sucking up to Google like a bunch of Wieners. I can't be the only one thinking that Google and Apple getting into a fight is like watching Butters try to stand up to me. Hilarious!

Losing Sleep Over Money? What a Tool!

Cue's crying about losing revenue. Boo hoo! I bet he's got a bigger pile of money than I do candy. Meanwhile real people are suffering from like homework and the fact that Kyle is such a Jew. He even had the nerve to say Safari searches are down because of AI. As if anyone cares about Safari anyway. I bet those searches all lead to stupid hippie websites where people are talking about peace and love and other crap like that. Screw that!

AI is the Future Dude! (Maybe I Should Invest)

Okay so maybe this AI thing isn't so lame after all. If people are using AI search instead of Google maybe I should get in on that action. I could build the best AI search engine ever! It would only search for stuff *I* like: Cheesy Poofs video games and ways to make Kyle suffer! I'll be rich I tell you! Richer than Bill Gates richer than the guy who invented the internet! Just you wait.

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home!

So there you have it. Apple and Google are fighting AI is taking over and I'm still the coolest kid in South Park. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go eat a bag of Cheesy Poofs and plan my AI world domination. Screw you guys I'm going home! And don't even THINK about touching my toys!