Screw You Guys, I'm Investing in AI! CoreWeave Stock Goes Freakin' Bonkers!

Respect My Authoritah! CoreWeave's Market Cap Soars!

Listen up you guys! CoreWeave this company that does all the AI stuff is going completely insane! Their stock is up almost 60% in five days! That's like more than I get for doing chores for Mom (which by the way is NEVER gonna happen)! They're worth like $38 billion now! That's more than the entire population of Canada could ever dream of!

Whateva! Whateva! I Do What I Want! (Like Buy Stock)

Since their stupid IPO (that's 'Initial Public Offering,' you morons!) they've more than doubled in value. Doubled! That's like getting two Xboxes for the price of one! And it's all because they're raking in the dough! They reported something like 420% revenue growth! Yeah 420 get it? Heh heh. That's funnier than Kenny dying every episode!

Nvidia's In? Screw You Hippies I'm Buying More!

Even Nvidia the guys who make all the awesome computer chips for my gaming rig owns a piece of CoreWeave! Like 7% of the whole shebang! That's worth about $2 billion! Two BILLION! That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of Cheesy Poofs and still have enough left over to build my own freakin' amusement park!

Kickass AI Beats Hippies: CoreWeave is The Best!

CoreWeave is the first 'pure play AI IPO,' which means they're the best way to make a crapload of money off this whole AI thing! It's like betting on Butters to win a fight – except way smarter and less likely to end in someone getting seriously injured. They make the AI stuff that helps ChatGPT and other companies do their thing.

OpenAI? More Like Open My Wallet!

OpenAI the guys who made ChatGPT (which I use to cheat on my homework by the way) agreed to give CoreWeave up to $4 billion! Plus another $12 billion already committed! That's enough money to make even Kyle's mom jealous! Seriously she's always so damn preachy about money!

Senate Hearings? I'm Too Good For That!

Apparently CoreWeave's CEO some dude named Mike Intrator went to Washington to talk to those morons in the Senate. They probably don't even know what AI is! Probably think it's some kind of new STD! But whatever as long as the stock keeps going up I don't give a crap what those hippies in Washington think!