Jagshemash! China Hooked on Myanmar's Rare Earth Crack Like Borat is Hooked on Pamela Anderson!

Very Nice! China's Secret Addiction

Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from... well not from Kazakhstan because my government say I embarrass them too much. But I have discovered shocking news! China the big shot of rare earth elements is secretly hooked on rare earths from Myanmar! It's like me being secretly hooked on pictures of Pamela Anderson HIGH FIVE! They get over half of their fix from this small war torn country. Is niiice!

Heavy Metal Heavy Problems

Myanmar's stuff is especially good because it is full of heavy rare earth elements. These are like the supermodels of the metal world – very rare and very valuable! According to Gracelin Baskaran from Center for Strategic and International Studies this give China a de facto monopoly. China have all the power! Like when I try to buy ice cream for my horse but they only take American dollar! Is very frustrating!

Why Myanmar? Is Geology My Friend!

Myanmar have special dirt called 'ionic adsorption clay.' Is very tasty for machines that want rare earth elements. This dirt is like the breast milk of mother earth but instead of making babies strong it makes missiles and wind turbines! China used to have this kind of dirt but they made too much mess and had to shut it down. Now they go to Myanmar where they don't care about the mess. Is very convenient!

Outsourcing Pollution: The China Way!

Like I outsource my laundry to Uzbekistan for cheap China outsources its pollution to Myanmar! Global Witness report say China is destroying Myanmar's environment and local communities to get their rare earth fix. Is like when I try to make a sandwich with a live chicken – very messy for everyone involved! But China say 'Is not my problem!' Is very selfish I think.

Civil War? More Like Civil Disruption!

But uh oh! Myanmar have big civil war going on. Rebels are fighting the military junta and they now control many of the rare earth mines! According to Baskaran the Kachin Independence Army seize sites responsible for half the world's heavy rare earths production! Now China is sweating like me in a room full of feminists! Supply get disrupted prices go up. Is very bad for China's economy! Like my dating life after I accidentally insult all the women in America!

Plan B: Malaysia and Laos is Potential!

So what China do? They look for other countries with tasty dirt! Malaysia and Laos are potential! But Merriman say these countries have stricter rules about not making a big mess. China may need to actually care about the environment for once! It like me having to learn table manners before I can eat at a fancy restaurant. Very difficult but maybe necessary!