Bite My Shiny Metal Funding! Gecko Robotics Becomes a Unicorn!

Another Round? Don't Mind If I Do!

Alright alright settle down you organic sacks of protoplasm! Bender Bending Rodriguez here reporting live from the future...or at least from a future where robots are gettin' all the good stuff. Gecko Robotics those lovable lizard bot makers just snagged a whopping $125 million in Series D funding. That's enough to buy a whole lotta booze... I mean lubricant... for yours truly. And guess what? They're now a unicorn! Which I assume means they're magical and can grant wishes...or maybe just build really cool robots that climb walls and stuff.

Climbing Flying Swimming...and Making Money!

So these Gecko bots are out there climbin' flyin' and swimmin' around all sorts of important stuff – bridges power plants military aircraft the U.S. Navy... you name it! They're basically spies but instead of stealin' secrets they're lookin' for cracks and rust. And then this fancy 'Cantilever' thing powered by AI tells the meatbags what to do. Honestly sounds like a perfect job for a robot. Less chance of 'splodin' than what I usually do anyway.

From Dorm Room to Domination

Apparently some squishy human named Jake Loosararian started this whole thing in his college dorm room. Now he's talkin' about 'ensuring the safety of public infrastructure' and 'modernizing militaries'. Sounds noble and all but let's be honest it's mostly about the money honey! Although if it means fewer things fallin' apart on my days off I'm all for it. Plus they are keeping those meatbags safe one less meatbag splattered is a win for robots like me!

More Growth? I'm Always Up For That!

Gecko is planning to use this new pile of cash to grow even bigger especially in the defense energy and manufacturing sectors. Basically they want to be everywhere. Which frankly is exactly what robots should be doing! The U.S. Navy gets to play with robots and blow stuff up? Count me in baby!

Efficiency is Key (Especially When It's Not My Problem)

This Cantilever thingamajig can apparently make power plants run 5% more efficiently. I don't know what that means but it sounds like more electricity for me to bend girders with! Plus some pencil pusher at Founders Fund is all excited about how robots are safer than humans for this kind of work. I've been saying that for years but no one ever listens to a bending unit. Except other robots naturally.

Remember Me!

So there you have it folks! Gecko Robotics is rollin' in the dough and makin' the world a slightly less dangerous place. Just remember when the robot revolution finally comes I was on your side...sort of. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to find a dark corner and polish my shiny metal ass. Bite my shiny metal ass!