Bite My Shiny Metal Backup: Virtual Power Plants Save Humanity (Maybe)

Hot Times Need Cool Power (and Beer)

Alright meatbags listen up! It's your pal Bender Bending Rodriguez here to tell you about the apocalypse... I mean 'extreme weather events.' Apparently this planet's gettin' hotter than my forge after a hard day of bending girders. And what happens when your air conditioner kicks the bucket? You sweat you whine and you wish you had a robot buddy who could get you a beer. But fear not! There's a new scheme... I mean *solution* in town: backup batteries and virtual power plants. Sounds like a job for Calculon but I guess humans will do.

Base Power: Rent a Battery Sell a Kilowatt

So there's this company called Base Power based in Austin Texas which let's be honest is practically another planet. They rent batteries to people who are too dumb to buy their own! They control the juice going in and out like some kind of energy overlord. The CEO Zach Dell says they're saving people 10 20% on their bills. Sounds like a deal but I bet there's a catch. Probably involves doing manual labor... FOR FREE!

Tesla and Enphase? More Like Bore ing

Unlike those other chumps Tesla and Enphase Base Power doesn't sell batteries. They RENT them! That way they can keep you chained to their energy nipple forever! They handle all the maintenance so you don't have to get your hands dirty. Kinda like how I have Fry clean my apartment... except he doesn't get paid. He's my best friend!

Cheap Power High Prices (for Suckers)

Here's the grift: Base charges the batteries when power is cheap usually at night when you humans are sleeping. Then when everyone's crankin' up the AC they sell that power back to the grid! They're basically energy pirates pillaging the poor! For a measly $595 upfront and $19 a month you get 'reliable power.' Sounds like a scam to me but hey what do I know? I'm just a bending unit.

Powered by Wind Solar and Probably Unicorn Farts

They say the power comes from wind solar natural gas and even coal! About half their customers have solar panels so they can sell power BACK to Base. It's a vicious cycle of energy exploitation! They pay a few cents per kilowatt hour which is probably enough to buy a single french fry. Don't get me started about the tarifs on batteries made in China sounds like more money being hoarded by the suits.

Lennar The Homebuilder Is Also in on It!

Turns out Lennar one of those giant homebuilding companies is investing in Base. They're installing batteries in their new communities probably so they can charge even MORE for the houses. Stuart Miller some bigwig at Lennar says it's about improving the homebuilding business. Yeah right. It's about making more money just like everything else in this miserable excuse for a planet. But hey as long as they keep the beer cold I'm in!