Sixth Graders Become Startup Sharks Mini-Me or Mini-Me Not!?

One Million Dollars!!! (Almost)

So I hear these… *sixth graders*… are learning about business. Sixth graders! Back in my day all we learned was how to make shadow puppets that looked vaguely like… well never you mind! But seriously teaching them about 'pitching to investors'? What is this a school for tiny ruthless capitalists? It's EVIL! Muahaha! But maybe just maybe if I start training them now I can have a new army of Mini Mes by the time they're old enough to operate a laser. And all I need is... one million dollars!

Heating and Cooling T shirts?! Genius!

Apparently one of these nefarious little syndicates came up with 'Just Right Clothing Company,' making shirts with heating and cooling tech! HEATING AND COOLING! You know I tried to invent something like that once but my henchmen kept accidentally freezing me solid or setting me on fire. This is why you ALWAYS check the settings on the giant laser! And another bunch of them came up with a 'Wish Wash Pet Brush' a grooming all in one tool which... I'm sorry but what's with the name? Is this supposed to be a wish washy product? A lot of work needs to be done...

JA City? More Like JA Jail!

They even have a 'JA City'! What in the name of Scott Evil is that? Sounds like some kind of corporate sponsored prison camp for children. I bet they make them wear little pinstripe suits and force them to write quarterly reports. Absolutely brilliant... for world domination not so much for... innocence? Bah! But hey at least Utah is on the ball making these kids study entrepreneurship. Most places they're still learning about... Ugh... history or something equally useless.

Jumpstart This! *Laughs Maniacally*

Laura Levine from Jumpstart (what a name... makes me want to jumpstart the Large Hadron Collider and see what happens) says we need to introduce financial education *earlier*. She's right but she doesn't know why! The earlier I brainwash these kids with my evil schemes the better! I mean the sooner they learn about compound interest the better! YES! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Coaches? I Need Sharks With Frickin' Laser Beams Attached to Their Heads!

So they had coaches huh? Probably some do gooder CEOs. I need sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads to be coaches! That's the kind of mentorship these kids need to truly embrace their inner villain... entrepreneur! And Olympic gold medalist Ashley Caldwell was judging? What does she know about evil? (Or about business for that matter?) She probably just likes shiny things. Like gold... Goldmember! This is just a setup!

The Future Is Now! (And It's Probably Evil)

Sandi Hendry the founder of Minky Couture was also a judge and she thinks these kids have bright futures. Well of course they do! They're being indoctrinated into the world of business at age 11! By the time they're my age they'll be running the world! And hopefully for me! But seriously this is a great program. For… *evil*. Yes. *Evil*.