Chipotle Invades Mexico! Is This My Chance For World Burrito Domination?

One Million Burritos!

Muahahaha! Doctor Evil here reporting LIVE from my volcano lair! Did you hear the news? Chipotle is opening a restaurant in MEXICO! That's right the land of sombreros siestas and... wait for it... AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD! Are they MAD?! It's like bringing sand to the beach! But wait... maybe... just MAYBE... this is my chance!

Operation: Burrito Takeover

I've always wanted to control the world and what better way than through burritos?! Imagine free guac for EVERYONE... or you know NO guac for my enemies! Chipotle thinks they're expanding? I think they're unwittingly giving me the perfect foothold! I'll infiltrate their operation replace their mild salsa with FIRE and then... BAM! The world will be eating burritos... MY burritos! Muahahaha!

The Trump Card... Or Burrito

Speaking of world domination that nincompoop Donald Trump is messing around with trade wars and avocados! Honestly what is the deal with these tariffs? I need my avocados! Where else am I going to get my omega 3 fatty acids!? This whole situation could derail my burrito plan. Minions! I need a detailed report on avocado futures! And find me a way to short the stock... subtly of course.

Failed Taco Bell Missions!

This reminds me of that Yum Brands fiasco! Taco Bell failed... TWICE! Can you believe it!? They thought they could just stroll into Mexico and sell 'tacos.' Honestly that's insulting. But it's also inspiring. I'll learn from their mistakes. My burritos will be so good so EVIL LY delicious that even the most discerning Mexican grandmother will be begging for more! Or I will simply force them!

Alsea: Friends or Foes?

Chipotle is partnering with Alsea the people who run Starbucks Domino's and Burger King in Latin America. Hmmm... maybe I should buy Alsea! Think of it! I could control coffee pizza burgers and burritos! The power! The glory! The... cholesterol! Mini Me get me my checkbook... and my Lipitor prescription.

One MILLION Dollars!

So Chipotle thinks fresh ingredients and familiarity are going to win over the Mexican people. Well I have something they don't: LASERS! And sharks... with lasers! And the unwavering dedication of my army of genetically engineered minions! Mark my words this is only the beginning. Soon the world will tremble before... Doctor Evil's Burrito Empire! Now where's Mr. Bigglesworth? I need to stroke him dramatically while I plot.