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Showing 31 to 40 of 136 news articles

That's right, you heard me. Gold is the only real safe haven in this messed-up world, and I'm gonna tell you why, so respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Gold! It's the Only Safe Haven That Doesn't Suck!

Tue 17 June, 2025 05:08
3 minutes to read

Cartman reports on the U.S. Army's shift to AI-powered tech and a major restructuring, ditching old crap for new, cool stuff! image

AWESOME! The Army's Getting a Seriously Sweet Upgrade (Screw You, Hippies!)

Mon 16 June, 2025 15:54
2 minutes to read

Cartman reports on how the U.S. Army is ditching old crap for awesome new tech, like drones and AI, so they can kick more ass! image

AWESOME! The Army's Getting a Super Cool Upgrade (Screw You, Butters!)

Mon 16 June, 2025 15:54
3 minutes to read

China's consumer spending is in the crapper, income's stagnant, and people are saving instead of buying my freakin' Cheesy Poofs. This sucks! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Not Buying Anything! China's Economy is Lame!

Mon 16 June, 2025 00:28
3 minutes to read

Even though the market wobbled a bit because of those stupid Iranians and Israelis fighting, it's still gonna be HUGE. Here's why, according to ME! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Predicting the Stock Market! (And It's Gonna Be Awesome!)

Sat 14 June, 2025 13:06
2 minutes to read

Oil prices spiked because Israel attacked Iran, but apparently it's just a big fart in the wind and everything will be back to normal soon. Time to make some moolah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Rich! (Off This Iran-Israel Oil Crisis)

Fri 13 June, 2025 15:06
3 minutes to read

Israel just totally butthurted Iran with some airstrikes, and now everyone's freaking out about World War III. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Starting a War! Israel Goes Full Cartman on Iran!

Fri 13 June, 2025 02:26
3 minutes to read

President Trump goes full Cartman on Fed Chair Jerome Powell, demanding lower interest rates and accusing him of costing the US a fortune. Blame Canada! image

Respect My Authoritah! Trump Calls Fed Chair Powell a Numbskull, Says He's Costing America $600 Billion!

Thu 12 June, 2025 16:26
2 minutes to read

U.S. sends some dude named Witkoff to Oman to talk to Iran about nukes, because apparently, nobody learned anything the last time. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Negotiating with Iran (Again)!

Thu 12 June, 2025 03:32
2 minutes to read

Tesla stock's up, Musk's apologizing (sort of), and robotaxis are coming to Texas. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Tesla! (And Maybe Forgiving Trump... Kinda)

Wed 11 June, 2025 15:10
2 minutes to read