Screw You Guys, I'm Starting a War! Israel Goes Full Cartman on Iran!

Respect My Authoritah! Israel Gets Trigger Happy

Okay so listen up you guys! Israel those little dudes who always think they're right just launched a bunch of airstrikes on Iran. They said it was because of Iran's stupid nuclear program which let's be honest is probably just a bunch of hot air. But whatever Israel's all like "Respect my authoritah!" and starts bombing stuff. And guess what? They offed Hossein Salami who apparently was a big shot in Iran's Revolutionary Guards. Talk about a kick in the nuts!

State of Emergency? More Like State of F*** You Iran!

So after Israel went all pew pew with the missiles their Defense Minister this dude Israel Katz declares a state of emergency. He's all dramatic warning about missile and drone attacks on Israel. Oh boo hoo! You started it dude! Netanyahu that little weasel chimes in too saying the operation will continue until the 'threat' is gone. What a bunch of crybabies! You know kind of like Kyle when he doesn't get his way. Wah wah wah!

Iran's All Like 'Aw Crap!'

Of course Iran's not too happy about getting bombed. Their state media's whining about fatalities in Tehran. Serves 'em right! I bet they're regretting messing with Israel now. Turns out Israel's also going after high ranking military officers and nuclear scientists. Man they're really going for the low hanging fruit! It's like when I try to beat up Kyle but Stan always gets in the way. Dammit Stan!

Natanz Khandab Khoramabad: Sounds Like a Crappy Law Firm

Apparently Israel didn't just hit Tehran. They also bombed Natanz Khandab and Khoramabad. Sounds like a crappy law firm if you ask me! Natanz is home to some nuclear facility Khandab has a heavy water reactor (whatever that is) and Khoramabad is a ballistic missile base. Basically Israel's trying to blow up all the things that go boom. Good job guys! Now can we get back to watching Terrance and Phillip?

Oil Prices Spike? Blame the Jews!

And guess what happens when you start a war? Oil prices go through the roof! They jumped more than 7% because everyone's scared of a bigger war. Ugh this is worse than when I had to share my Cheesy Poofs! And stock futures are down too. Thanks a lot Israel! You're making me lose money! I'm never gonna be able to buy that new Tesla now!

Trump's All Like 'I Didn't Do It!'

Of course the US is all like "We didn't do it!" Trump claims he was briefed but Marco Rubio is saying they're just protecting American forces. Yeah right. Like I believe that crap. Trump probably gave Israel the go ahead while eating a bucket of KFC. He's probably thinking "If I start a big enough war no one will notice I pooped my pants!". The only thing that matters is ME!