Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Tesla! (And Maybe Forgiving Trump... Kinda)

Tesla Stock? Sweet! I'm Richer Than Kenny!

Okay so apparently Tesla stock is going up. Like way up! About 2% on Wednesday and over 12% this week! That's more money than Kenny gets in a year... if he even lives that long which let's be honest he probably won't. Anyway this is great news for me Eric Cartman because I deserve all the money! Respect my authoritah! Even Kyle will be jealous.

Robotaxis? You Will Call My Ride Kitty!

And get this these stupid cars are going to drive themselves! Musk says they're launching some 'robotaxi' thing in Austin Texas on June 22nd. He's even gonna have one drive from the factory to some loser's house on his birthday. Driverless cars? That means less work for those lazy Mexicans! I'm gonna call mine 'Kitty' and you WILL respect it.

Musk and Trump: Can't We All Just Get Along? (No.)

So apparently those two buttholes Musk and Trump were fighting. Something about Trump's stupid tax bill. Musk called it a 'disgusting abomination'. Frankly I don't care about all that grown up crap but it made my Tesla stock go down! That's not cool dude! Now this is getting me upset!

Musk's 'Sorry' is Like Saying 'I Hate Kyle Less Today'

Now Musk is like 'Oh I regret some of my posts about Trump.' Yeah right Musk. You're just like Kyle always 'sorry' when you screw things up. I'll believe it when I see Trump give me a million dollars... and even then I might not believe it. Butters get me some Cheesy Poofs. I need to think about this betrayal.

The DOGE? More Like a Turd Sandwich!

Apparently Musk was supposed to be in charge of some 'Department of Government Efficiency,' or DOGE. DOGE? Seriously? That sounds like something Kyle would name his pet hamster. Anyway he was gonna cut spending but then he and Trump got into a fight. Honestly these guys are more messed up than Mr. Garrison’s love life.

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home... in My Robotaxi!

So the moral of the story is: Tesla stock is good robotaxis are awesome (as long as they don't take my job) and adults are idiots. Screw you guys I'm going home... in my brand new Tesla robotaxi driven by no one because I'm important like that! And if you disagree well you can just suck my balls!