What the HELL is Going On With Mortgages?! You Won't BELIEVE This!

Screw You Guys I'm Talking Mortgages!

Alright listen up you guys! Eric Cartman here reporting live from my mom's basement... because where else would I be? So this new dude in charge of the Federal Housing Finance Agency – some guy named Bill Pulte – he's saying he ain't gonna lower the limit on those 'conforming loans.' Which basically means Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac (whoever the hell they are) are still gonna buy and guarantee loans up to like a gazillion dollars! $806,500 to be exact! I can't even count that high.

Respect My Loan Authoritah!

Pulte that butthole actually said 'There are no plans to do anything as it relates to the conforming loan limit.' No plans?! Are you serious?! So much for shrinking the government which by the way should be my job. I would be the best at shrinking the government. All I'm saying is as long as you don't have the Jews counting the money it might work out just fine.

Million Dollar Mortgages? Seriously?

Some dweeb named Eric Hagen (probably a hippie) from BTIG is whining about how lowering the loan limits would make all the 'populists' happy because they're pissed that the government is backing million dollar mortgages. As if! Who the hell needs a million dollar mortgage? I bet those are all those darn' Canadians that are driving up the housing market in the first place. Stupid Canadians ruining everything.

Empty Offices and Cafeteria Food? Blame the Jews!

Apparently this Pulte guy went on a tour of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and posted a video of empty offices. Empty offices?! See?! They're all ripping off the system! Probably spending all our money on fancy lattes and Xboxes. And don't even get me started on the cafeteria food. Probably tastes like hippie garbage. And now with all these Canadians driving up housing its just getting worse. I miss the taste of freedom...

Only First Timers? What About Me?!

Some think tank (probably full of a bunch of nerds) is saying that the government should only insure loans for first time homebuyers. What about ME?! I deserve a mansion! I should be able to get a government backed loan for like ten million dollars so I can build a freakin' amusement park in my backyard! It's not fair! Waaaah!

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home...To My Non Existent Mansion!

So yeah that's the mortgage news. Basically nothing's changing and I'm still stuck in my mom's basement. But you know what? I'm not fat I'm festively plump! And I'll be rich one day you just wait and see! You will all respect my authoritah! Now if you will excuse me mom just made some mac and cheese and you can all go screw yourselves.