Trump's National Security Advisor Waltz Walks Plank After Signal Snafu!

One Eyed Scoop

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live (well as live as a news article can be) from the Planet Express news desk. Seems like things are getting weirder than a Nibblonian's digestive system in Washington. National Security Advisor Mike Waltz is outtie after some drama involving a Signal messaging group. Apparently this group was used to discuss top secret military plans and wouldn't you know it someone accidentally added a journalist from *The Atlantic* to the mix. 'Good news everyone!' for the journalist not so much for Waltz. I mean even I know better than to blab about sensitive info in a chat group and I once dated Zapp Brannigan. 'Ugh'.

Trump Shuffle

President Trump in a move that's about as surprising as Bender wanting a drink confirmed Waltz's departure on social media. He's now nominating Waltz as the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations because what's diplomacy if not a giant game of Planet Express Risk? Secretary of State Marco Rubio is stepping in as interim National Security Advisor. Meanwhile Deputy National Security Advisor Alex Wong is also heading for the escape pods. It's like a mass exodus only with more comb overs and fewer spaceships. And Waltz was conspicuously absent from the National Day of Prayer. Maybe he was praying for a new job?

Signal Sabotage!

The Signal group which seems to be about as secure as Zoidberg's understanding of human anatomy included some heavy hitters: Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth Rubio Vice President JD Vance Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent CIA Director John Ratcliffe and Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard. The Atlantic's editor Jeffrey Goldberg reported that Hegseth on March 15 shared details about attacks on Houthi forces in Yemen including 'precise information about weapons packages targets and timing.' Seriously guys? Texting about that? I've seen less classified information scrawled on bathroom walls at the Head Museum.

Hegseth's Hot Seat

Hegseth is also under fire for sending info about the planned strikes to his wife brother attorney and some aides. Guess he wanted everyone to know he was 'important'. The Pentagon's internal watchdog is now investigating Hegseth's use of Signal. I'm pretty sure that's a fireable offense but hey this is 2024. Anything can happen. As Trump said of Hegseth 'Yeah he's safe.' And of Waltz 'Waltz is fine. I mean he's here. He just left this office. He's fine. He was beat up also.' Sounds like someone's throwing people under the bus to me.

Schumer's Scorn

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer thinks they're firing the wrong guy. He wants Hegseth gone. It's a real 'who's more incompetent' competition. This reminds me of that time Fry accidentally became President of Earth. Complete chaos! 'I've made it with a woman! Inform the men!'

Flynn's Folly Echoes

Let's not forget Trump's first National Security Advisor Michael Flynn who resigned in disgrace after lying about his contacts with the Russian ambassador. Trump later pardoned him because why not? It's like history is repeating itself only this time with more emojis and less Cold War intrigue. Stay tuned folks because if there's one thing I've learned it's that in this universe anything can happen. Even Nixon becoming a head in a jar. Now that's what I call national security!