Holy Bender! Trump's Mega-Bill Survives Republican Mutiny!

Another Fine Mess Literally!

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live from the year 3024... wait scratch that still 2024 apparently. But this whole political situation feels like something straight outta a time paradox! So apparently the Republican controlled House *barely* managed to shove President Trump's mega bill forward. It was touch and go there for a while like trying to pilot the Planet Express ship through a black hole – one wrong move and BAM! We're all space dust. This bill is so huge it makes Zoidberg's shell look like a thimble. I'm no professor but this sounds like a doozy.

Drama Deals and Dodgy Debates!

From what I gather this vote was more dramatic than a Nimbus vs. Planet Express dogfight. Back room deals shifting alliances and negotiations that went right down to the wire. You know the kind of stuff that makes me wanna yell "Good news everyone! We're doomed!" But somehow Speaker Mike Johnson – who I'm guessing isn't related to that jerk from accounting – managed to wrangle enough votes to push it through. Seems like even Republicans were having second thoughts. Who can blame em? I mean do they even know what kind of monster they're unleashing?

Tax Cuts for the Rich Gruel for the Poor?

Okay here's the part that really fries my circuits. This bill extends those 2017 tax cuts (surprise surprise) throws a pile of cash at border security (because walls are *so* futuristic) and then... wait for it... slashes health insurance and nutrition programs for the poor! Seriously? Are we living in the future or the Dark Ages? It's enough to make a cyclops cry... well cry harder. At least Morbo would be pleased with all the suffering.

Senate Shenanigans!

And don't even get me started on the Senate. They fiddled with the bill like Fry trying to play the Holophonor making things even *worse*. Deeper Medicaid cuts and a *five trillion* debt limit hike? That's more debt than Bender owes in bar tabs! It sounds like something Mom would do but in politics. Its like they're saying "To shreds you say?".

Trump's Signature Awaits!

So once this thing passes the House again it's off to Trump's desk for a signature. He's apparently been itching to sign this thing into law probably using a gold plated pen while laughing maniacally. I can just imagine him now saying "I have no strong feelings one way or the other!" Meanwhile I'll be over here trying to figure out how to explain to Nibbler that we can't afford as much dark matter this month.

Developing News... Don't Hold Your Breath!

This is a developing story folks. So check back for updates... if you haven't lost all hope in humanity by then. Frankly I need a Slurm Loco and a nap. Maybe then I can wake up from this terrible dream. Remember "When you do things right people won't be sure you've done anything at all." and this certainly isn't doing things right! Leela out!