OMG! Did President Trump Just Back Down From Firing That Dumb Fed Chair Powell?

Respect My Authoritah! Or Maybe Not...

Okay listen up you guys! Eric Cartman here reporting live from my mom's basement. Turns out that President Trump guy – you know the one who's kinda like me but with more hair and less awesome – he's saying he ain't gonna fire Jerome Powell the Fed Chair. Yeah the dude he's been calling a 'major loser'. Can you believe it?! He said 'None whatsoever.' Like what a wimp! I bet if *I* was president I'd fire anyone who didn't give me what I want especially if it meant getting more Cheesy Poofs!

Powell is a Tool!

This whole thing started 'cause Trump wanted Powell to lower interest rates. He thinks it'll make the economy all sunshine and rainbows. But Powell being the tool that he is wasn't listening. Trump even said last week 'If I want him out of there he'll be out real fast.' Sounds like a threat to me! But now he's all like 'Oh I never wanted to fire him.' What a load of baloney!

Even Kevin Thinks He's a Tool!

And get this: Kevin Hassett some economic advisor dude even said they were thinking about giving Powell the boot! Talk about a conspiracy! You know like when Kyle tries to steal my ideas for making money? Anyway Powell's supposed to be Fed Chair until 2026. He probably thinks he's safe or something but I wouldn't be so sure if I was him.

The Press is a Bunch of Hippies!

Apparently the press – you know those hippie types who never understand anything – they made a big deal out of Trump wanting to fire Powell. Trump's now saying 'the press runs away with things.' Yeah because HE didn't say he wanted him fired! The press is totally full of crap!

Maybe Trump Needs Some More Crackers!

So now Trump's saying he wants Powell to 'be a little more active' about lowering those interest rates. He thinks it's the 'perfect time.' Maybe Trump just needs some more 'member berries and crackers'. Who knows what's going on in that old man's brain?

Wall Street is Rejoicing!

The stock market freaked out when Trump was ragging on Powell but now that he's backing down everyone's doing the Snoopy dance! But mark my words this ain't over. Trump's probably just plotting his next move. You know what I'm saying! I'm Eric Cartman and I know everything! Now where's my damn Cheesy Poofs?