Raining on My Parade! Newsom vs. Trump: A Battle Royale for LA!

Achtung Baby! My Evil Plan Interrupted!

Alright alright alright! Dr. Evil here reporting live from my volcano lair! I was just about to unleash my latest scheme – a giant laser beam powered by hamsters – when I heard the news! Apparently Newsom and Trump are having a little tiff in Los Angeles. Honestly it's like watching Austin Powers and I trying to out evil each other except way less groovy and more…political. I mean come on can't a supervillain catch a break? First Austin Powers foils my plans now this? It's enough to make a guy want to launch himself into space…again!

One Million Dollars...Or Maybe Just Some Troops?

So Newsom is suing Trump because he doesn't want the National Guard and Marines descending upon LA like a swarm of angry bees. He claims Trump is acting like a 'tyrant.' Tyrant? Please! I practically invented tyranny! I'm talking sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Trump is just sending in some troops. Small potatoes! But Newsom says it's 'unprecedented' and 'threatens the very core of our democracy.' Drama queen much? Maybe he just needs a hug... or a tank full of piranhas!

Cry Me a River...Or Maybe Just the Pacific Ocean!

Newsom argues that these protests aren't as bad as the '92 riots. News flash Gavin! I've seen worse on Sesame Street! The suit even admits that some protesters have you know 'thrown things at law enforcement officers or set fires to property.' But apparently it's not a 'rebellion or an insurrection.' Okay sure. I'm sure the police officers being pelted with rocks are just thrilled to be part of a 'peaceful protest'. Frankly I'm starting to think Newsom is in cahoots with Austin Powers!

Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams...of Truth!

Trump of course is defending his decision. He says LA would be 'burning' if he didn't intervene. He's probably right to be honest. LA does have a tendency to you know catch on fire. Perhaps he should invest in some giant sprinkler systems or maybe a weather controlling machine. Oh wait that's my idea! Back off Trump! Anyway the point is these two are at each other's throats and I'm just sitting here twirling my mustache wondering if I should send in my own army of Mini Me clones to settle things. Hmmm…tempting.

Throw Me a Frickin' Bone Here!

Honestly this whole situation is just a big fat distraction from what's really important: My evil plans! While these two are busy bickering I could be launching a satellite that blocks out the sun or perhaps holding the world ransom for... ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS! (Adjusted for inflation of course.) But no everyone's too busy worrying about the National Guard to notice my genius. It's just not fair!

Groovy Baby Groovy...Or Not!

So what's the takeaway here? Well it's simple. Politics is a mess Trump and Newsom need to chill out and I Dr. Evil need to get back to plotting world domination. After all someone has to keep things interesting around here. Now if you'll excuse me I have some hamsters to train. Yeah baby yeah!