Jagshemash! Great Success! Trump Makes Booming Trade Deal with China for Rare Earths!

Very Nice! Trump Declares Victory Over China!

Jagshemash my friends! I bring you fantastic news from America! The man with the funny hair Donald Trump he say he made a deal with China! A HUGE deal! He shout it on his Truth Social which I think is like if Twitter and MySpace had a baby but only rich people allowed. He say relationship between America and China is 'excellent!' Like when I find a toilet that is not full of surprises VERY EXCELLENT!

Wah Wah Wee Wah! Tariffs and Rare Earths!

Trump say America getting 55% tariffs! That's like... a lot! China only getting 10%. And get this: China giving America magnets and 'any necessary rare earths' upfront! Upfront like when you pay for sexy time before not after! Very strategic yes? These rare earths they important for cars and big bombs. Very useful!

Chenqui! Student Exchange Program

In return for rare earths America letting Chinese students go to their colleges. Like when I let my neighbor come to my house after he let me borrow his goat. Is fair trade! Trump say him and China President Xi Jinping must approve but he think is 'a great WIN for both countries!!!' Like when I win arm wrestling match against my monkey Rafik!

High Level Talks in London Very Mysterious!

Apparently some important people from America and China met in London for talks. It was very secret like when I try to hide my 'mankini' on the beach. Howard Lutnick American big shot say they reached 'Geneva consensus'. I don't know what that is but sounds important! Li Chenggang from China say same thing. Everyone agree very nice!

China King of the Rare Earths!

Everyone worry because China has all the rare earths! They make 60% of world's supply. Like they own all the vodka in Kazakhstan! America nervous because they want to make green energy things but need China's rare earths. Trump's crazy trade rules make everyone go crazy like when I try to drive a car on the sidewalk!

Oil Prices Go Boing!

After Trump's shouty message oil prices go up! Like my neighbor's cow when she see me in my 'mankini'! Everything is connected! This deal with China make everyone happy or at least not so sad. Maybe now I can finally buy that new tractor I always wanted! Very nice!