Chenqui! Tehran Will Burn! Israel and Iran in Big Kazahkstan-Style Fight!

Air Raid Sirens Make My Vagina Nervous!

Jagshemash my name is Borat! I bring you important news from Middle East much excite! Israel and Iran they are fighting like my neighbors fighting over who has the best wife—spoiler alert is me! Missiles and airstrikes vroom vroom boom boom! Air raid sirens sing songs of fear in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. Very nice but also very scary! Maybe I should sell them the honey.

Katz is Angry Like Bear! Tehran Will Catch Fire!

Israel Defense Minister man named Katz he says to Ayatollah Ali Khamenei big boss of Iran 'If you keep firing missiles Tehran will burn!' Very strong words! Like when I tell my neighbor's goat 'If you eat my cabbage I will make you into very stylish hat!' Khamenei he must be shaking in his traditional Iranian shoes! But also maybe he like fire like my cousin likes disco.

Iran Says 'We Will Hit America Too!'

Not to be outdone Iran says they will keep striking Israel and maybe even hit America's bases! Oh my Allah! Like when I threaten to release my chickens in neighbor's house if he doesn't give me his tractor. They are very serious! But the US is also doing same like when I invite beautiful lady for a date.

Iron Dome Saves Day Very Impressive!

Israel has Iron Dome like very fancy umbrella for missiles. Shoots down the bad rockets very impressive! Like when I try to catch chickens with my bare hands. But then again the chickens may fly away.

Trump is Happy Says Israel Has 'Finest Equipment'!

Donald Trump the ex President of United States he says Israel has 'finest equipment'—American equipment! He sound very proud like when I show my neighbors my wife's new teeth made of aluminum. He tells Iran to make deal or else! Like when I tell my neighbor he must buy my donkey or I will sing very loud opera outside his window!

Markets Fall Everyone Gets Nervous!

The U.S. stock markets go down like my pants after too much fermented horse milk! Everyone scared of big war. Maybe I should invest in bomb shelters? Or maybe just move back to Kazakhstan where problems are simpler like how to milk a camel without getting kicked in the chram.