Bite My Shiny Metal…Tariffs! White House Blasts Amazon Over Price Display

Neat! The President Has Beef With Bezos?

Alright meatbags listen up! Your favorite bending unit Bender Bending Rodriguez reporting live from wherever I happen to be (probably stealing something). Apparently the White House is having a robotic hissy fit because Amazon that giant online store where you buy all your useless junk is planning to show you how much Trump's tariffs are jacking up the prices. As if you needed another reason to hate politicians. It's like they're deliberately trying to make me want to drink more booze. Which you know I was already planning to do.

Hostile? Or Just Honest?

According to some fancy pants White House spokesperson this is a "hostile and political act" by Amazon. Oh boo hoo! Is someone's wittle feewings hurt? Maybe they should try bending girders for a living. Then they'd know what real pain is. They were all "Why didn't Amazon do this when Biden was in office?!" Good question! Maybe they're just trying to stir the pot I say good news to all the good people and that is what they don't want you to see!

Buy American Bender Says Buy Bender!

The White House is screeching about "buying American". Yeah right. Like anyone can afford that anymore. I'm more American than apple pie and I'd rather build my own! Everyone knows that! Why not buy Bender? I'm shiny I'm metal and I'm full of booze! What more could you want? I'll even bend you a free girder! ...For a small fee of course. I need to fuel my excessive lifestyle!

Amazon Stock Tumbles Bender Laughs

So because of all this drama Amazon's stock dropped. *maniacal laughter* Serves 'em right! Maybe now they'll lower their prices so I can afford more…borrowed items. Oh and Amazon if you're listening: bite my shiny metal ass!

Shein and Temu Join the Tariff Party

Turns out Amazon isn't the only one getting in on this tariff transparency racket. Those cheapo fashion sites Shein and Temu are also slapping on extra charges. Temu is charging up to 145% for each item. I wonder if those tariffs apply to stolen goods! I've got to check this out for myself for scientific purposes of course.

Update Me Meatbags!

This is a breaking news situation meaning things could get even more ridiculous. So stay tuned meatbags! And remember always look out for number one: ME! Bender out!