Bite My Shiny Metal Trade Agreement! Trump Says Deals? Who Needs 'Em!

Deal or No Deal? Bender's Got the Steal!

Greetings meatbags! Bender here reporting live from the cesspool we call 'Earth News.' Apparently that orange tinted Earth President Trump has decided that signing trade deals is for suckers. Yeah that's right! The guy who wrote "The Art of the Deal" now thinks deals are overrated. Makes as much sense as Leela dating Fry! I mean come on it's so stupid it's funny. But I'm not laughing I am a robot and I don't have feelings… unless you're talking about my insatiable lust for electricity!

We Don't Need 'Em? Bender Smells a Scam!

So Trump was flapping his yap to that Canadian Prime Minister Carney saying "We don't have to sign deals they have to sign deals with us!" Oh really? Sounds like someone's been hitting the old New New York moonshine a little too hard! This is exactly like when Fry thought he could pilot a spaceship because he played video games. Delusional! What's next is he gonna try to sell us all snake oil? Oh wait he's already doing that!

100 Deals Coming? Bender's Holding His Breath (and Rusting)

He even promised "100 deals" one day. 100 DEALS? That's as believable as Zoidberg winning a Nobel Prize. This guy's promises are emptier than my head after a night at a Robot party. Remember folks politicians are like diapers: they need to be changed often and for the same reason.

Mixed Signals? Bender Blames the Meatbags!

Apparently Trump is blaming his own underlings like some guy named Bessent and some other sap named Lutnick for hyping up these trade deals too much. Classic! It's always someone else's fault isn't it? Just like when I blame Fry for everything that goes wrong. 'It's not my fault I robbed that bank Fry made me do it!'

Luxury Store? Bender's All About That Bling!

He wants to turn the U.S. into a "super luxury store". Now we're talking! Finally someone's speaking my language! I'm all about the shiny things! But seriously a luxury store? What about the poor slobs who can't afford a gold plated toothpick? Oh wait does anyone care? Don't answer that.

Markets Tumble? Bender Yells "I Told You So!"

Unsurprisingly the markets tanked after Trump's little tantrum. Investors are about as happy as I am when I run out of booze. Which is never by the way! But you know what? I saw this coming. Remember what I always say: 'I'm great at cooking great at carpentry great at poker great at forgery great at math great at being a lawyer and great at being an acrobat. I'm also great at telling the future!' So yeah you shoulda listened to Bender!