Bite My Shiny Metal Trade Agreement: Trump Accuses China of Cheating!

Deal's Off Meatbags!

Alright meatbags Bender's here to tell you what's what. Apparently that orange skinned Earthican President Trump is saying China's been pulling a fast one. He claims they violated the trade agreement. And I thought *I* was the only one allowed to screw people over! This is worse than the time I tried to counterfeit Slurm. At least I learned a valuable lesson: don't get caught.

Trump's Take: A Golden Parachute Gone Sour

Trump bless his tiny tiny heart thought he was saving China from economic ruin with this deal. 'Two weeks ago China was in grave economic danger!' he squawked on Truth Social. He basically gave them a golden parachute and they used it to wipe their shiny metal butts! 'I made a FAST DEAL with China in order to save them from what I thought was going to be a very bad situation and I didn't want to see that happen.' The nerve of some countries! Where's the gratitude? I demand gratitude! Bender demands GRATITUDE!

Market Mayhem: Prepare for Launch!

Naturally Wall Street is having a collective coronary. Stock futures are dropping faster than Leela after too much Slurm. But hey maybe this is a good thing! More chaos means more opportunities for Bender to… uh… *redistribute* wealth. You know from the rich to me. It's like when I tried to become a philanthropist – except I kept all the money. What? I was being philanthropic... to myself!

US Officials Echo the Sentiment: Something Smells Fishy

Trump's not alone in his suspicions. Some Trade Representative guy Jamieson Greer is also pointing fingers claiming the Chinese are 'slow rolling their compliance.' I bet they're probably just trying to build a giant Bender statue made of solid gold. Can't blame a robot for dreaming can you? But "completely unacceptable and has to be addressed." He said. Hey you hear something? No I didn't. Let's go get drunk!

The TACO Trade: When Chicken is Profitable

Apparently there's this thing called the 'TACO trade' – which stands for 'Trump Always Chickens Out'. It's basically a bet that Trump will eventually cave and lower tariffs making everyone richer. But that only profits stock pickers what about us robots and lowly humans. I mean come on! I hate the press! It's the only reason I watch it! Don't you love not having any emotions?

Bender's Prediction: More Mayhem!

So what's next? Probably more tariffs more yelling and more opportunities for me to profit. This whole thing's got me more excited than the time I won the Nobel Peace Prize for inventing a new form of bending! Remember remember the 5th of... of... Hey Fry what rhymes with orange?