Bite My Shiny Metal Tax: Trump Mulls Raising Taxes on the Rich!?

My Opinion on Taxing Humans

Alright meatbags listen up! Bender is here to drop some knowledge on this whole Trump tax thing. Apparently the big cheese himself Donald Trump is actually thinking about taxing the rich. Can you believe it? It's like Fry getting a date – totally unexpected and probably gonna end in disaster. As Calculon would say 'Aaaaaaaaagggh!'

Radical Left Democrat Lunatics!

Trump says he'd 'graciously' accept a 'TINY' tax increase to help you peasants in the 'lower and middle income' brackets. He says the only issue is that some 'Radical Left Democrat Lunatics' will get upset. I say who cares what those tree hugging weirdos think? We're talking about money here! As long as it doesn’t come out of my beer budget I’m cool. Although all money eventually winds up in my beer budget so....

Bush's Blunder: Read My Metal Lips!

Trump's also blabbing about George H.W. Bush and his 'Read my lips' fiasco. Apparently breaking that promise cost him the election. Trump says it was Ross Perot. Whatever it's all ancient history. The point is promising not to tax anyone is a great way to get votes but as I always say 'I'm going to build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers! In fact forget the park!'

Republicans in Disarray: A Comedy in Several Acts

This whole tax debate is throwing the Republicans into a tailspin. They can't figure out how to cut taxes for everyone keep the deficit down and still afford Trump's golden toilet seats. It's like trying to fit Zoidberg into a tuxedo – impossible! Wubba wubba!

Trump's Grand Tax Plans: More Confusing Than a Möbius Strip

Trump wants to get rid of taxes on overtime tips and Social Security but he also wants to keep the corporate tax cuts. It's like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too while also selling the cake to aliens for a massive profit. Typical human greed. But hey who am I to judge? I once tried to sell Earth's water supply to Neptunians.

Bender's Expert Advice: Screw the Taxpayers!

Here's my take: tax everyone! Tax the rich tax the poor tax the robots! Hell tax the aliens! Just make sure I get my cut. Because remember folks 'I'm Bender baby! And I love stealing from humans!'