Bite My Shiny Metal Tax Cut! Trump's Megabill Survives House Drama

Another Day Another Debacle

Alright meatbags gather 'round and listen to Bender's take on this whole 'megabill' fiasco. Apparently the House – run by those Republican types – managed to shove this thing forward after a night of more drama than a Robot Chicken marathon. Seems like even *they* weren't all on board. 219 213 folks. That's tighter than my chassis after a night at the disco. Good thing I don't pay taxes... because I don't pay for anything. Remember: I have no money! But if I did I wouldn't share it.

Trump's Truth Social Tirade

Oh and guess who's throwing a tantrum on his Truth Social platform? That's right it's the big T himself. "FOR REPUBLICANS THIS SHOULD BE AN EASY YES VOTE. RIDICULOUS!!!" he screeches. I swear that guy's got less chill than a penguin in a microwave. Reminds me of when I didn't get Robot of the Year. I was just being creative with the universe!

Speaker Johnson's Smooth Talk

Speaker Johnson bless his human heart is trying to paint this whole thing as a 'good day'. "We're in a good place right now," he claims. Yeah good for *him*. Probably means more oil for his squeaky hinges if you catch my drift. He's just saying that so you dummies won't panic and stop buying stuff. Keeps the economy going so I can keep stealing your wallets.

Medicaid? Never Heard of Her.

Meanwhile the Democrats are all up in arms about 'welfare cuts' and 'benefits for the ultra rich'. Honestly welfare? Sounds like a waste of good circuits and gears. But hey at least someone's worried about the little guy. Even though I'm not. I am better than you. So deal with it.

Senate Shenanigans and a $5 Trillion Problem

And don't even get me started on the Senate. They apparently took a chainsaw to the bill slashing Medicaid and tacking on a $5 trillion debt limit hike. Five *trillion*! That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of oil... for me of course. I can't wait to be the most popular robot. I'm already great but I want to be worshipped.

Is That All There Is?

So there you have it folks. The megabill's one step closer to becoming law. Expect tax cuts for the rich potential cuts to your healthcare and a whole lot of debt. And remember if you're feeling overwhelmed just do what I do: binge drink and blame humanity. That's how I solve my problems. And remember I'm great at my job which is also being great.