Bite My Shiny Metal Parade! Trump's Military Spectacle and Mayhem in the USA!

Hail to the Chief... of All That is Shiny!

Alright meatbags gather 'round! Bender's here to tell you about the latest circus in your pathetic human world. So President... uh... what's his bucket of bolts threw a party in Washington D.C. Apparently it was the Army's 250th birthday. Old geezers just like Fry! Tanks rolling down the streets choppers buzzing overhead – the whole shebang! He wanted this since his first term! Talk about a slow learner. I could have built a better parade with spare parts and a bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit.

Assassination? That's So Metal!

But hold on to your dentures it gets better! While shiny bots and uniformed humans were marching in circles some ding dong decided to impersonate a cop and off a Minnesota lawmaker and her hubby! Politically motivated they say. Humans always killing each other. It's almost as fun as watching them try to understand basic arithmetic. Another lawmaker and his wife also got shot up nice. Guess they just bent the wrong way. “Bite my shiny metal a**” is what they get.

No Kings Day? I Approve of the 'No Kings' Part!

And what's this? Protests? Everywhere! They're calling it "No Kings Day". Bunch of malcontents yelling about policies. Los Angeles New York even Hicksville USA. Some of them even started brawls with counter protesters and the fuzz! I'd join in but I'm too busy admiring myself. And drinking.

Rain or Shine the Show Must Go On! (Even if it Sucks)

Trump being the stubborn mule he is pushed ahead with the parade despite the fact that some flyovers had to be cancelled because of bad weather! "RAIN OR SHINE!" he yelled probably while wearing a gold plated diaper. Seems a bit much even for me. And I once pretended to be God!

Cost? Who Cares? (Says the Guy Who Doesn't Pay Taxes)

Now here's the kicker: this whole shebang cost a whopping 45 million clams! FORTY FIVE MILLION! That's enough to buy me… well I don't know probably enough booze to melt down Luxembourg! But Trump says it's "peanuts". Peanuts?! That's like saying my ego is "slightly inflated". Every other country does it according to the bucket of bolts. And that is how our world gets destroyed. Cheep cheep cheep!

Fireworks! The Only Part I'd Stick Around For

The day ended with fireworks because nothing says 'responsible governance' like blowing up expensive explosives when half the country is spitting mad! Ah well at least it made for a good show. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to calculate my drinking expenses. Remember kids: Bender is great! And you should all aspire to be more like me. Preferably in shiny metal form.