Bite My Shiny Metal Budget: Politicians Bicker Over Billions, As Usual!

Another Fine Mess!

Alright meatbags gather 'round! Your favorite bending unit Bender Bending Rodriguez is here to deliver the lowdown on the latest congressional catastrophe. Apparently Speaker Mike Johnson is sweating harder than I do after a Benderbrau binge. This 'nation shaping legislation' he's so proud of? Floundered harder than a fish out of water in a committee vote. 16 21? Those numbers are less impressive than Fry's intelligence!

Trump's Two Cents (Worth Less)

Even the tangerine tinted titan President Trump weighed in bellowing about 'THE ONE BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL.' Yeah real subtle Donny. But even his golden touch couldn't save this metallic turkey from getting the axe. It's like trying to polish a doorknob – pointless! The GOP led committee couldn't even agree! What is this amateur hour? I've seen less infighting at a robot strip club. And that's saying something!

The Medicaid Mayhem

So what's the big beef? Turns out some congress critters are griping about Medicaid requirements and spending. Representatives Norman and Roy are throwing shade like it's going out of style. Norman even called it a 'sad excuse for the swamp!' I thought swamps were supposed to be fun? More like a garbage dump in my opinion. Roy's worried about the future and thinks "We are writing checks we cannot cash and our children are gonna pay the price". Sounds like my gambling debts but on a much bigger much more depressing scale.

Johnson's Juggling Act

Speaker Johnson is trying to play peacemaker blaming the Medicaid delays on states being slow. Excuses excuses! Someone get this guy a beer and a backrub. He's even trying to smooth things over with the Senate. Senator Ron Johnson called the bill "the Titanic," proving that even politicians can make a bad joke. At least the Titanic had a band. This bill sounds like a broken record – same old song and dance.

Tick Tock Goes the Deadline Clock

Memorial Day July 4th – these politicians love their deadlines. Treasury Secretary Bessent wants this done by Independence Day. You know what's truly independent? Me when I steal things! But apparently grown adults can't agree on a budget. I vote we just give everyone beer. I'd buy it but I am short on money!

Bender's Budget Solution

So what's the solution? Simple. Elect Bender as Supreme Overlord. My budget will consist of free beer mandatory oil baths and a law requiring everyone to worship me. What could possibly go wrong? Remember kids bite my shiny metal ass... and maybe send some cash my way. I'm not above begging.